Page 17 of Salvatrice


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“What if something happened to her? Have you thought about that?”

“Fuck you, Roman.” I pushed him away from me. “All I do is think about her safety. Everyone in the plaza knows Romina and I can see her through the glass doors. I love her more than anything in the world.” Even more than I loved him. I never thought there was something beyond that.

“Well, you didn’t love her enough to let her have a father.”

Ouch. His words cut so bad I wouldn’t have been surprised if I actually started bleeding. The sharpness of the pain cut my breath and all the sorrow and fury on his face was reflecting on me. Suddenly feeling weak in my legs and distraught, I dragged myself to one of the booths in the back and sat on the magenta vinyl bench.

Why did he have to show up here? My life was calm, steady, boring, and safe for five years and my cracks were starting to close. In the past year I was so happy with Remy starting school early, and the bakery, and everything else, I almost didn’t feel my love for him pouring from my every pore.

Overwhelmed, I put my hands on my face and let a sob shake me.

I felt him close before actually knowing he was there. He didn’t touch me but got down on one knee to be at my level.

“Don’t cry.” He sounded very uncomfortable. “That was a low blow.”

“Yeah, it was. You’re right, ok? I was still in New York when I found out I was pregnant. I was living with one of the girls that was with me in foster care and the moment I found out about the baby, I fled. I knew you’d come for your child; I knew you'd look for me and find me and all I wanted was to be out of your reach. Do you understand how scared I was?”

“I get it, it was about your parents.”

“Exactly. I ended up in Rome, and when I gave birth… God. I would have given an arm and a leg for you to have been there. I was terrified, I didn’t know what to do. Romina… She is exactly as stubborn as you. I had a fourteen-hour labor. You’re hurt, but don’t think for a second that I enjoyed the last six years that much. My baby was my only lifeline and I had to put my head on my pillow every night, knowing I cheated that perfect little girl from a better life with you in it. My only consolation was that I was keeping her away from a life of violence.”

He shook his head, like my words were ridiculous, but I saw what his people were capable of. I saw it when I was just a little older than Remy, and I wasn’t about to put my daughter through that.

“I don’t know what to do with all this. Salva, we have a child. I have a daughter.” He looked straight in my eyes and it was like only now he was processing the information. I was in his shoes when I found out she was in my womb. “What did you tell her about her dad?”

God.

“Nothing. She only asked once, and I told her I didn’t know who her father was. She is such an amazing, intelligent child. She looked at me, took my hand, and told me that maybe someday we’ll look for him together.”

My smile showed up involuntarily. Roman did deserve a chance to know Romina, because she was the most precious kid in the world.

“You know I won’t walk away from her, right? I don’t care what you think about me, my family, or my lifestyle. I won’t walk away from my child just to make you feel good.” Of course. “Even if you ripped my heart out of my chest and stepped on it, I don’t want to hurt you, Salvatrice, but if you try to stop me, I will drag you to every courtroom in this country and trust me, I’m a damn good lawyer.”

So there was a ruthless part of him. There was a Roman that I loved so much, that stayed up all night to hold me through thunderstorms because he knew I was scared, and then there was this man who gave me an ultimatum and threatened to take my daughter away from me. The worst part? I hated his coldness but loved how eager he was to know Romina.

“I won’t… you don’t have to threaten me.”

“I’m not, I’m just stating the facts. I want her in my life.”

“God, this day is not going how I planned it. Where the hell did you come from, Roman?”

“All that matters is that I’m here and I plan on staying.”

This was it. Roman Stefani was back in my life determined to turn it upside down and raise my daughter alongside me. How the fuck was I supposed to handle that? I guess all of us would have to take it one step at the time until I could figure out a way to live with him close and not curl into a ball of pain because of all I’ve lost.

“How about you come back tomorrow and the three of us can have lunch? I don’t know how to start this, Roman.”

He looked away for a second then came back to me.

“Hey, does Romina like boats?”

“Loves them.”

“Great. I’ll meet you here tomorrow at noon.”

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