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“I don’t know, but I feel like I need a moment with her, ok? Her world is about to turn upside down. For the best, but still upside down.”
He looked away and cleared his throat.
“Fine. I’ll only come by once a day. Make sure you find tickets for Monday morning. I don’t like to fly at night.”
“Ok. Go now, it’s a long way to Genova.”
“Not yet. Kiss me, amore.”
I was very aware that Romina was close, Francesca was spying on us from her window, and everyone I knew in the plaza was around, but I put my arms around his neck and kissed him stupid regardless. I melted in his arms and he marked me with his tongue.
Goodbyes were always bittersweet, but count on Roman to make it the most erotic experience in life.
~~~
The rest of the week turned out to be the most stressful, agitated, horrible week of my life. It wasn’t like when I left Roman and fled to Europe – then I was impulsive, not thinking about my next move, but now everything was so clear, it was painful. Time stretched, almost like the hours turned into days, but it still wasn’t enough. Every free moment I had I spent it with Romina. She was by my side all week, helping me pack and organize our stuff. We baked together and went to the hair salon. Basically, except for the short moments when Roman was around, my daughter was joined to my hip. I spent every hour with her, hours that stretched and felt like days, and it was nowhere near enough.
Francesca and I got into a horrible fight, and as a result she was still not talking to me. She called me a liar, a horrible friend, and a traitor because I chose Roman when we were supposed to have our own family – her, Sammy, Romina, and I – but that was never my plan. She was more than a friend; she was the one who reached out when I needed help the most, but her family wasn’t my responsibility. She screamed in my face that she couldn’t do it alone, she couldn’t raise Sammy on her own, but no matter how frustrated she was, Francesca’s problem wasn’t with me. She was arguing with her dead husband who didn’t look twice before crossing the street and left her a widow with a newborn baby. She couldn’t be mad at me because she knew I was no good. I wouldn’t be here to help, regardless of whatever plans Roman had. Francesca was the only one who knew that.
Saturday night, the reality became too real and Romina caught me crying in front of the bathroom mirror.
“Mama, why are you sad? You don’t wanna go to Disneyland?” I loved hearing her voice, but this time she made me jump.
“No, no, baby, I’m fine. I was just, umm, brushing my teeth and I hurt myself with the toothbrush.”
“Oh, can I give you a kiss?”
“Sure, baby.” I wiped away the wetness on my face and went down to let her kiss my forehead. “Hey, how about you sleep with me in the big bed tonight?”
“Really?”
“Really. Come on, but keep it quiet. Your aunt and Sammy are already asleep.”
“Can you tell me a story, Mama? I’m not sleepy. I’m too excited.”
“I would love to.”
“With a princess? Or a ballerina?”
“How about I tell you a story about your dad?” I swallowed hard.
“What?”
“Roman told me you are curious, baby, and you’ll get to meet him soon. I could tell you how I met him?”
“Yes, please.”
“Your father is…” How do I even start? “Your father is beautiful. You look a lot like him, you have his eyes. He is smart as a whip, just like you, and he is stubborn just like you.”
“I’m not stubborn.” Except when baths were involved.
“No, you’re right. You are perfect.”
“Tell me more, Mama.”
“Your father and I loved each other very much, baby. I want you to know that you are a very loved child, ok? Can you remember that? Forever?”
“Yes, but what happened? Why is it just us?”
