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24
New York City, 2000
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
There was no clock around but for some reason the sound was raging in my head. When I finally touched down back in New York, after my plane being grounded for some stupid technical inspection that had to be done last minute, Salva was already in surgery. All the nurses were able to tell me was that Dr. Sullivan just opened her up and everything was going well. All I could do ever since that moment was wait.
I sent my daughter to Vincenzo’s home this time, even though she was willing to stay here and wait for her mama. I felt like crap for sending her away yet again, especially because all this moving around from house to house couldn’t be good for her. I made a note to call a child therapist or some kind of sleep specialist to keep her under observation when all of this was over. The last thing I wanted was for Remy to start having problems sleeping.
Right now, all my focus was on Salvatrice. She got out of the surgery three hours ago. Three fucking hours. Dr. Sullivan had gone over what happened twice, he assured me that everything went just fine; her vitals were strong, and she was on anti-rejection medication just in case. All there was to do was wait for the anesthesia to wear off. I had all the facts. I was looking at her in that bed, and seeing her breathing – calmly, with no wheezing sound – but I couldn’t bring myself to feel relieved. I needed to look into her eyes and plunge into those clear green infinite pools that held so much love. I needed to see her smile and hear her talk to be sure all this bullshit was finally behind us, and I’d never wake up to my beloved wife covered in blood. I’d never have to worry about fucking her hard enough to choke her…who am I kidding? I’d still have to worry about that. I want her too much to be gentle. Gentle doesn’t feel like we’re fusing into one.
I was trying to put my thoughts in some kind of order when I heard a faint moan coming from the bed. It made me jump five feet in the air, scrambling to get to her faster.
“Amore, can you hear me?”
She just moaned again. What the hell was going on? Was she in pain?
“What?” she whispered and I exhaled all my worries. She was here. Talking. Breathing. Alive.
“Tell me what you need, Salva. Anything.”
“Water.”
I poured her some in the new cup that was sitting on her table and drove the straw to her lips.
“Small sips. Dr. Sullivan will be here in a second.”
“I’m alright, brown eyes. Stop fussing.”
“Your chest has been cut open, woman. If I want to fuss, I will fuss.” Fuss? She hadn’t even seen me fussing yet.
“You’ve changed your clothes.” She looked at the casual shirt and Levi’s jeans I had on. Not one of my favorite fashion choices, but that was what Ignazio had on hand.
“I…it really happened, didn’t it? I’ve got new lungs.”
“Yes, baby.”
“Roman, how?”
With one hand, I traced the contour of her cheek and smiled.
“I’m a lawyer, amore, not a doctor. I assume they took the bad ones out and put the new ones in.”
“Roman, that’s not what I’m asking you. You got some shady phone call, went away somewhere across state lines and then, hours later, I get a second chance at life. What did you do? Did you…?”
“Stop.” I shut her up, harsher than I intended, but it was almost like second nature. The look on my face was steel-hard and my body got rigid. “Never ask me something like that again, Salvatrice. Never.”
“But…”
“Will you ever learn, amore? I don’t want to lie to you, but I will if you back me into a corner and force me into it. I love you and now we have forever ahead of us. Stop asking me to give you reasons to run, because I’m done chasing.”
“I’m not running. You’re my husband. Like it or not, we’re in this together. I just want to know…” When I saw she wanted to push herself up, I pressed on her shoulder gently, to keep her laying in the bed. This stubborn woman kept forgetting there was a cut on her chest. “I want to know nothing will happen to you, Roman.”
“I’m right here, Salva.”
“Will you be here tomorrow? Roman, this transplant I got was a one-in-a-million gift. Will you pay the price for it?”
She was not backing down, my beautiful woman. Smart, stubborn. Dangerously stubborn. Maybe just today, I won’t lie to her, but how could I tell her the truth when I didn’t know it myself? Cramer was supposed to go by his own accord, but he didn’t. He’d wanted to back out and I made the decision for him.
