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When I pushed the bathroom door open, I saw Enzo with his back turned to me, both of his hands on the wall in front of him and his head bowed down. Even in this dreadful moment I couldn’t help but admire the way his strong and muscular back was filling his suit jacket. He was a beautiful man with the body of a Greek hero. If I’d had to describe him, I’d use the words were used to paint the god Ares – a warrior that was tempting me into sin.
“Enzo.” I whispered his name, and he shook his head. “You told me to come here, Enzo. Can you at least look at me?” The thought that he might be too disgusted to do so was overpowering. If he called me here to tell me he was done, at least I wanted to look into his dead eyes when he did it.
When he finally did turn, the power and fire radiating from him made me take a step back.
“You had sex with him?” he asked me like he couldn’t believe it.
“He’s my husband, Enzo. What was I supposed to do?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Ludmila,” he slapped his hand on the door of one of the stalls. “How about saying fucking NO!?” He looked like a dog struck with rabies. “And I was there, feeling like shit because Katja decided to grope me out of the blue, and you had to watch that. Did you like it?”
Khristos, this was so embarrassing!
“No! I didn’t want it to happen.”
“Did Alexei force you?”
“No, Enzo,” I looked away, fighting my own tears, “but he would have if I would have push him away. I had no choice. I’m married to him, and for Alexei that means I’m bought and paid for.”
He moved to the wall with the sinks and looked at his own reflection in the mirror while I didn’t dare to move an inch. I wanted him to see how much I hated myself for every night I had to spend with Alexei, and while he was busy hating me for it too, I wanted him to come and hold me. Help me forget that fucking nightmare.
Unexpectedly, he clenched his fist and started smashing the mirrors on the wall, one by one, until there was nothing left except the echo of the crashing glass. When he was done, his knuckles were covered in blood, and it reminded me of a time when I saw Alexei’s hand looking like that, only it wasn’t from smashing mirrors, it was from hitting me repeatedly.
I took a step back until my back hit the door, looked away, and covered my mouth so he would not hear me sob.
“I’m furious, Ludmila. I am so fucking mad. Thinking about someone else – anyone – touching you? How the fuck am I supposed to live with this when I can’t even look at you when we’re in public? When I only get to see you once every God knows how many days?” He jumped and covered me with his body. “Tell me how!?”
“You…” I swallowed to lubricate my dry throat. “You are scaring me.”
He grabbed my chin and turned my hand to him, but this time there wasn’t any violence left in his touch.
“Ludmila, you should never be scared of me.” Not being scared of a man might be the hardest thing in the world. “Why would you?”
“Why?” I whispered. “Because you just had a boxing match with all the mirrors in this bathroom. You’re so mad at me I…I…” I was afraid I might be his next target.
“You think I’m mad at you?”
“You’re not?”
He laughed. He actually laughed.
“I feel a lot of things for you Ludmila. I want to fuck you, kiss you, cuddle you. I think about you constantly. I feel a great deal of fucking things that I don’t even know what they are.” My heart grew in my chest. “No anger, though. I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at that motherfucker because he touched you. I want to kill him, Ludmila. I want to kill him and I’m capable of it; I wouldn’t even hesitate.”
“Jesus, Enzo. I thought you hated me. I though you called me here to end it.”
“We will never end.” He put his head on my forehead. “I’m sorry for scaring you, baby doll.”
I sighed. It was bittersweet. On the one hand, I was walking on clouds because he was here with me, but it didn’t matter what Enzo said – we would have an end. There was no other way.
“I made Alexei call me that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Last night. I told him to call me baby doll. I closed my eyes, and I thought about you.” He was stunned, fixing me with impenetrable black eyes.
After a few seconds, he locked the bathroom door and pulled me into a kiss that was threatening to make me combust.
“You’re driving me fucking crazy. Everything you do it’s another hit to my heart.”
