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“I can’t, Enzo. One day I’ll tell you more, but not now. I don’t want to taint what we have with stories about Alexei.”
“Right.” He shook his head. “I don’t think I can go back there. I’ll text my dad, tell him I have to be somewhere.”
“Enzo,” I touched his face, “don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad at you, Ludmila.”
“I don’t want you to be mad at all.” I raised up on my tiptoes and kissed him. “I’m not good for you.”
“Stop.”
“It’s true.” Realizing it was like biting into a lemon – bitter and sour. “Enzo, you’re twenty-two. You should be out there living your life, dating someone like Katja who can give you everything, not be caught up in my messy life. I don’t want to be the reason you go to sleep alone and angry.”
“I don’t want Katja or anyone else, Ludmila. Can’t you see? I could get sex any time of the day, and fun, and whatever shit you think I need, but it won’t matter if I don’t have you.”
“God, this is a mess.”
“It’s our mess, and we’ll get out of it together.”
“Enzo, Alexei will never let me go. You have to understand this, he would kill me before letting me walk away with another man. He did it before.”
His body tensed up.
“What do you mean?”
I should have kept my mouth shut, but I knew he wouldn’t let it go now.
“Katja’s mother, that’s how she died. Alexei pushed her out the window when she gave him divorce papers.”
“Katja told me it was a suicide.”
I sighed.
“That’s what the police report says, but everyone in their house in Moscow knows the truth. They fought, he screamed, and then Svetlana was pushed through the window. The maid told me that the frame was broken, and I’ve seen pictures of Svetlana – she was a skinny woman. She would have never had the force to do it on her own.” I shook my head. That poor woman. When Alexei moved me into his house, I thought for a second that maybe it was a good thing. Maybe he would change my life, I thought, but soon the stories about the horrors his first wife had to endure started to surface. “Please don’t tell Katja. She doesn’t need to know; it would make her terribly upset.”
“Not tell her that her father is murderer?”
“Katja is the only person that Alexei cares about. Trust me when I tell you that she’s not in danger.”
“But you are?”
“I…” I would rather die than tell him what my life with Alexei means. He would look at me with pity in his eyes, after I saw so much desire in them, it would crush whatever was left of my soul. “He will never let me be free, Enzo.”
“I can protect you.”
“I know, baby, but it’s more than that. Just let it go, ok?”
“It would be easier if you’d just ask me to kill him.” No hesitation in his voice.
“No.” Alexei’s death was not the answer. “I should have never come between you and Katja. The other night when I told you to not sleep with her…I don’t know what got into me. I was so jealous, Enzo, like nothing I’ve ever felt. It made me sick.”
“You didn’t come between Katja and me. I never wanted her. She’s a friend, that’s all. I don’t fucking know why she’s humping my leg tonight, but I don’t care. Do you think any woman would ever measure up to you, Ludmila?” I almost melted at his feet.
“You have a silver tongue, Enzo Nucci.”
“You were jealous?”
I laughed and slapped his chest.
