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“What?” I whispered.
“Drop it, Ludmila. I put some things together tonight. How he always finds you with his eyes in a room, how his voice changes when he says your name. At dinner you disappeared just before Enzo decided to take off, and tonight? I thought he’d kill Dad for touching you. I saw his face. It’s you. You are having an affair with Enzo Nucci.”
My palms got sweaty, but at the same time, my throat went dry. I felt cornered by her words. Katja was always on my side, always trying to do the best she could to make my life more bearable, but now she wasn’t just my friend. Now she was a scorned woman who couldn’t get to Enzo because of me, and I didn’t trust her with that information. Right now, Katja was holding Damocles’ sword so close to my neck, I could feel the sharpness of the blade.
“You…” It was hard to speak and breathe at the same time, “you should not say things like that. It’s…it’s insane. Katja, don’t ever say something like that again.” All she had to do was whisper one word about it in Alexei’s ear and she’d unleash a whole universe of pain and misery. My imagination couldn’t contain what Alexei would do to me if he suspected I made a fool of him. He didn’t care about me, but he deeply cared about what a cheating wife would mean for his reputation.
“Calm down.”
“No,” I raised to my feet and pointed a finger at her. “How could you speak such things out loud, Katja? You of all people should know what I’m going through. If Alexei could hear you, he would…he would…”
“Wow, easy. What kind of bitter bitch do you think I am? Do you think I would tell on you?” She sounded outraged.
“There’s nothing to tell! Katja, I don’t know what you think you saw, but stop. Please stop.” I was shaking with desperation.
My worst fears were getting real. I got cocky, thinking I could snatch a few moments of happiness and Alexei would make me pay for it when he found out, or worse, he’d kill me.
Katja got up from the bed and came to me, grabbing my shoulders.
“Ludmi, breathe. You are right, I do know what a despotic tyrant dad is. How many times did I told you to leave him? No one should live like you do. And I know you say you have reasons, but you should gather your courage and just leave.” Easier said than done. “Ludmila, you are married to the man who broke your ribs twice. No one should live like that.”
The memories turned my body cold.
“It’s better when you’re around. Alexei doesn’t want you to witness him being violent.”
“I know. It’s the only reason I still live under the same roof with him. What I’m saying is you’re my friend, Enzo’s my friend, and I’m here to help if you need me.”
Despite the positive turn of the discussion, I couldn’t bring myself to feel safe now that she had found out the truth. Katja was always nice to me, and yes, I considered her a friend of some sort, but I knew better than to just trust someone blindly. What if tomorrow she didn’t feel the same? I guess there wasn’t much I could do about it now than pray for her to never tell anyone.
“Oh, Katja.” I exhaled and looked down at my feet. “I don’t know what to say. I feel so ashamed.”
“Why? You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Because of this whole situation. I’m a married woman and Enzo…he’s your age, and you have feelings for him.”
“I don’t have feelings for him. I like him more than I like other people, but that doesn’t mean anything. And you couldn’t possibly care about your wedding vows. Ludmila, Dad is a sick, sociopathic womanizer. I would stop being his daughter if I could; I don’t see anything bad if you stop being his wife. I can help you with that.”
“Please don’t get involved. You don’t want to be close to this and risk infuriating Alexei.”
“He would never dare touch me.” She might be right, because unlike me, Katja had nothing to lose into trying and to destroy Alexei if he ever hurt her. “I put a Xanax in his water.”
“What?” I asked, confused.
“Earlier when I told you I went downstairs? He was almost asleep and asked me for a glass of water, so I slipped him a Xanax. He won’t be up for hours.”
“Katja, why?”
“Because I was afraid, he might try to get revenge on you because Enzo stepped in earlier, but now we won’t hear from him until morning, and if he wakes up, I’ll call you.”
“You can just knock on my door.”
“No, because you’ll be gone for a couple of hours.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ludmila, answer me something first: this thing between you and Enzo, is it just sex? Because I think he’s really into you.”
My heart skipped a beat.
