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Not only was I a monster in the flesh, but a monster in the heart—precisely what Fabian had designed when he’d set this black curse upon me. My breath huffed out in quiet dismay as this realization dawned.
“He crafted the curse this way so that I would have to choose murder.”
He only cursed my physical body, and, over time, I had become so twisted that murder had become to me a prize worth attaining. I had created a different beast. Willfully, terribly. My cousin’s brows lifted as I met her gaze.
After a painful moment, I broke her stare and looked up at the stars that so vividly mocked my curse. I could no more speak to my wife again than I could face a pool full of my own sins. For if I spoke to her at all, I was endangering her.
My voice came out in a rasping whisper. “What am I to do? She’s here now, and I vowed to protect her. You know the creatures that wander here at night.”
Her blue eyes softened. “Humans are gifted with their weakness, you know. They find out much sooner than we do that their flesh is insufficient.”
“Yes, they rot almost as soon as they fully mature.”
She scowled at me. “That’s not what I mean.”
“I don’t need another of your lectures on humankind.”
“I believe you do.” She propped a fist on one hip, apparently not finished railing me for the evening. “Their weakness, dear cousin, is what makes them constantly search for something stronger on which to lean. Be careful of the protection you grant, or else you’ll look down and find her resting comfortably against you.”
With a grunt of assent, I stormed away, visions of Talia’s small body cradled against mine—my nightmare and my dream rolled into one. The crossing had shown me this nightmare, and I had pulled my wife into my lap all the same, my desire only to push back the horrors torturing her mind. My vow to protect her was going kill her.
Fae didn’t stomp, as it was in our nature to tread lightly everywhere we went, but as I stormed into the wide aisle of the stable, the very trees around me trembled at my steps.
Lily still needed to rest after the hard ride last night, so I bypassed her stall for another of my favorite horses. As I passed Espera’s stall, I kissed my hand and tapped his nameplate with my fingers.
He looked up at me with a shining black eye.
“Not tonight, my friend.”
Espera snorted and kicked the stall door. Several other horses whinnied their disapproval.
“Oh, is that right?” I pointed a finger at him. “You think you deserve a night ride? I’ve been gone three days. Three days!”
In my head, a strange thought occurred to me. She would love to see him run.
And why did that matter?
I grasped the stall door and leaned my forehead against the wooden slats.
Protect her. Destroy her. The two objectives were entwined so closely, as were the methods I would use to execute either. Handling a dove to keep it safe was as likely to harm it as it was to help it. And while I now knew it was wrong to want to unload my heavy burden onto her tiny body, I also knew that if given an easy chance, the temptation might win out in the end.
A soft muzzle bumped my knuckles. My face jerked upward at the touch, and a splinter slid into my forehead.
“For that, I will ride you, you insolent creature.” I smiled at him. “I’ll ride you till your hooves melt.”
He nickered in triumphant delight.
The night air sailed through my hair, drying it, as we cantered down the darkened lane. On this part of the estate, the woods were thick, and the roads rarely used. Fireflies danced among the trees. I didn’t see any pixies, which meant Talia had likely come this way. The wily little creatures preferred to cavort in private, and humans were entirely too loud to sneak up on a pixie.
Espera tossed his head as I slowed him to a walk, but he obeyed. Silence clung to the otherwise jubilant forest. Even the cicadas and the frogs had ceased their songs. Humans had a way of silencing nature, and I felt her presence before I spotted her sitting on a rock, knees drawn up beside a saddled white horse.
She didn’t notice me, her dull human senses allowing me ample time to watch her before she heard or saw me. A stag moved in the woods, deep to the left. I could only see him for a second, and then he was gone, but his spooked departure startled Talia, and she stood on the rock, eager to catch a glimpse of whatever had made that small rustle.
Her slender frame clad in dark riding attire blended into the shadows, but the lack of light was no trouble for my eyes. I dismounted and with a quiet command ordered Espera to walk softly as we drew nearer. I was almost upon her before her head whipped around. So violent was her movement that she lost her balance.
I moved without thinking, stretching out my arms to catch her, but she’d already steadied herself without my help. For a moment, I stared up at her, troubled by the way she peered into my eyes yet completely unable to look away.
Finally, reason returned to me, and I dropped my arms. “Monsters walk these woods at night. You should be more careful.”
