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“We should have known better than to trust the Trickster,” her wife adds, with a wry smile. “Still, he’s a charming one. Lonely, you know? He’s got that puppyish look in his eyes, even when he’s being cocky.”
“Like he’s begging to be loved,” I say softly. “Like he wants you to ask him to stay.”
Enthel and Lannau look at each other, then at me. “Seems as though he got that first wish, eh?” Enthel says, smiling.
“I love him,” I say simply. “I don’t have money, but I’ll do anything to secure his freedom. I’ll give you anything you want, truly.”
Something sharp and hungry enters the gaze of the two Elvish women.
“Anything, you say?” murmurs Enthel.
“We’ve always wanted a child,” Lannau says. “Neither of us can carry one—we’re past the breeding age of Elves. And we’d prefer a child who wasn’t wholly human—one with some Elvish blood. You seem intelligent, healthy, and beautiful, and Rahndek is as clever as a male can be, as well as bold and handsome. It’s just the blend we’ve been looking for. We’ll help you find the sanctuary, if you’ll give us the first child you bear with Rahndek.”
I’m speechless. Wordless.
Bede begins signing furiously at the Elves. How can you ask that of her? It’s absurd. It’s monstrous. Surely there are foundlings you could take in, if you want children.
The two of them ignore her, their gazes fixed on me.
Could I do it? Could I yield a child I haven’t birthed yet, one I’ve never met? Could I give it to these two Elvish women, in exchange for the life and safety of the man I love?
He and I could have other children. Nine months of my life, and then I’d hand over the baby quickly and move on. I would never have to see it again. I could dissociate from it, I think—keep myself from becoming attached.
If I say no, and they refuse to help me, Rupert will remain in the King’s power, suffering rape, beatings, and possible mutilation. He’ll be forced to perform all sorts of wicked magic for the King—he’ll probably have to kill people. And when the King finds out all the gold Rupert spun is temporary—he’ll either murder Rupert outright or torture him as punishment.
Rupert is alive right now. Suffering right now. Surely I can trade his life for that of a child who doesn’t exist… and might never exist.
“Is there anything else I can offer you?” My voice doesn’t sound like mine—it’s distant, hollow.
“Nothing,” says Enthel.
“Returning to the Riddenwold is an unpleasant prospect for us,” adds Lannau. “The only thing worth the effort would be a child—the kind of child we’ve been longing for. One with both human and Elvish blood. And we would treat it well, you may be assured of that. It would be our pride, our joy, our everything. It would lack nothing in love or comfort.”
“I believe you,” I say hoarsely.
Bede steps in front of me, signing even faster. You can’t be considering this. Don’t do it. You’ll regret it. I was forced to give away a child once—
“I don’t have a choice,” I say through gritted teeth. “But let’s make it official, alright? A bargain that cannot be broken by either party. You will guide me to the sanctuary and help me find Rupert’s father—Rahndek’s father—and in exchange, I will give you my first child with him.”
“So if you never have children, we end up with nothing,” Lannau says.
“Those were your terms,” I remind her. Despite the quivering tension in my soul, I hold her gaze boldly.
She maintains the stare for a moment, then chuckles—but it’s a strained sound, with an ache of longing in it. “What’s life without a little risk? I’ll wager you and Rahndek will have children together. You seem like the type to want several of them.”
She’s not wrong. I’ve always dreamed of a large, merry family—five or six children running around, climbing into my lap, causing mischief and mayhem. Clever boys with Rupert’s blue eyes—diligent daughters whom I can teach to run a profitable business—yes, I want that someday. I want everything. And if I have to sacrifice my firstborn for everyone else...
Goddess, I don’t know if I can do this.
“Think on it, if you need to,” says Lannau. Her gaze is sympathetic on the surface, but there’s a ruthlessness beneath it. She wants the child as badly as I do, maybe more—wants it for her wife, for their joint happiness.
I can’t fault her for that, even though she’s asking me to make a terrible sacrifice.
When I think about the alternative... about leaving Rupert to suffer... it’s not even a question. I would do anything for him—even the most twisted, unthinkable things.
“We have a bargain,” I say.
Bede makes a faint sound of dismay in her throat.
