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“First love matters.”
“They don’t.” I said. “To me, a first love is just a steppingstone.”
Her fists clenched as if she were resisting the urge to punch me.
“Then I guess you don’t matter.” She said, seething. “You’re just my steppingstone.”
Those were her last words before she slammed the door in my face, leaving me out in the cold.
??
As I relived the interaction with Sawyer, my heart sank. An avalanche of resentment met my attempts to bridge the gap. My frustration bubbled beneath the surface, mingled with a sense of sadness as I longed to see her smile. Each passing moment of silence weighed heavily on my chest. I hated upsetting her, especially for something as meaningless as my relationship with Elsie. However, I should have told Sawyer, especially since I still had contact with my ex.
I put my foot in it when I commented on first love. The news that I was her first love was a blessing and a curse. It made me feel an indescribable wave of pleasant emotions, but it placed an unbearable weight on my shoulders. Noah told me she never dated, to his knowledge, which is perhaps why I was so adamant about keeping my past a secret.
“There’s smoke coming out of your head.”
It was him, wasn’t it? With an injection of adrenaline, I launched off my bed toward him. Asher’s eyes held shock, but he masked it well.
“Did you tell Sawyer about Elsie?”
He tilted his head to the right in mock confusion.
“Tell her what?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. I was not in the mood for his infuriating mannerisms.
“Stop playing around, Asher.”
“I didn’t tell Sawyer anything.” He said. “It was all Elsie.”
“Elsie told her?”
“Shocking, right?” He asked. “Elsie never looks for drama.”
His sarcasm was adding fuel to my inner flame.
“How do you know this?”
“I was there.” He said, a sickening grin on his face. “It was like those reality show dramas Mom watches.”
My legs felt unsteady. I sat on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. I messed up. Could Sawyer move past this?
“She told me I’m her first love.”
“She loves you?”
I nodded my head, not lifting it. My eyes were closed as I took a deep breath.
“She told me she loves me, and I went and kept that secret from her.” I said. “How am I going to get her to trust me again?”
Silence answered me. I expected that. He zoned out when he was disinterested, and this was one of those instances. However, I didn’t expect to be alone when I lifted my head.
??
34
“If one of us dies, I hope I die first.”
