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The fact that I don’t know as much as I could about the world is undeniable, but does it follow that everything I took for granted is wrong? I am too confused to even begin to answer that question.
I can't decidewhyI'm hurt to hear Doryn order precautions against me. Silver isn't wrong. I am their enemy. I am theirprisoner. Regardless of what he might have done or intend to accomplish in Allea, that remains true.
She could make you tell her where your heart is.
Honestly, I should have thought of that myself.
And if he told me, if I knew exactly how to murder him, accomplishing my mission…would I do it?
On Lughnasadh, I wouldn't have hesitated. Today, I do.
Even if given the opportunity to kill Doryn, I couldn’t take it right now. I need to be absolutely certain of his intentions. Is he truly going south to help, to stop the massacres? Time will tell. I tell myself I’m not too scared of the answer.What’s crystal clear to me is that I can’t take any action until I know for sure.
Caldoryn could be who he told me he is—a king protecting his own realm from its enemy in the south. But that would mean everything I've done for the last three years means nothing.Lessthan nothing. If he’s telling the truth, I’ve been aiding a monster worse than the one I accused him of being.
And if Iwasright, what then? I don't find either hypothesis comforting. Because I like Doryn more than I'd admit to anyone—even myself. And what does that say about me if he is the monster I feared?
A million thoughts, theories, nightmares, and dreams cross my mind as I pretend to sleep, until I finally give into darkness.
* * *
I fell asleep against Shoal, but wake cocooned against Doryn’s chest, my arms and legs intertwined with his, suggesting I tried to wrap myself around him overnight. More embarrassingly yet, he’s awake. I don’t get a chance to pull back.
Something is so decidedly different I can’t even pinpoint the source of so many changes at first. Then it hits me. "It's daylight," I say in wonder.
My eyes burn a little, unaccustomed to it after just a week.
"Tell me about it," Silver grumbles.
She’s not far, filling a water skin in the nearby stream, her hood low on her face.
Vess and Lark are still asleep, or at least, keeping their eyes shut.
If I am sensitive to the brightness now, it must be torturous for the rest of them, except maybe Alrion, as he must have gotten used to it to spy on us for so long.
I'm surprised the king doesn't seem bothered one way or another. Then again, if a dagger to the heart didn't so much as make him flinch, why did I think a little sunlight might?
"Allea used to be the land of everday, when Mara-Rhea ruled," he tells me.
"Everyone knows that." I sound a little defensive, because he’s assuming I don’t know anything at all. I don't need another reminder he finds me so ignorant he assumes I wouldn't know the basic history of Xhera.
Who can blame him? He has no idea what is or isn't common knowledge here. We're in my kingdom now.
"When did we cross the border?" I hadn’t noticed last night, as it was dark.
"We haven't yet. Allea starts at the sunflower field just ahead."
I can already see them in the distance.
I can tell from the flat landscape that we're in the east—my province of origin, in the west, is full of hills and rivers. It should feel like coming home, yet hollow dread coils inside me. I’m awaiting the confirmation of too many truths and lies to find any comfort in returning.
“You’re different in sunlight,” I find myself telling Doryn, then regretting it instantly.
I don’t want to have to explain how. Right now, the king of night looks like a living dream. He’s as beautiful as ever, but in his kingdom, I wouldn’t have thought him much different from any highborn, hence why he managed to trick me into thinking he was just a member of his court. Without the crown and all the royal jewels, without the crown, he’s a man.
In sunlight, Caldoryn Valderath is the grandson of the eternal god of shade. An inner light illuminates him, and shadows flirt at the edge of his skin. This man could never have appeared lesser.
“Am I now?” He smirks knowingly, his inflated ego conscious of the fact that he’s ridiculously gorgeous.
