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Just like that, the world falls out from under me.
Peter’s leaving me.
Again.
Chapter twenty-one
Peter
Minutes Later
The look on her face scares the shit out of me.
What’s even worse— she’s ripped herself from my embrace and stands over me with her arms crossed.
“Let me explain.” This long-overdue conversation has been the bane of my existence. I’m not even sure where to begin. “Project SoHo is the code name. My team and I have been working on the submission and proposals going on three years. It started with over five hundred applicants. The review committee narrowed the field in stages. We’ve made it through all the cuts and we're at the end. I found out VA/VT was one of the three finalists just a few weeks before you started my tattoo.
Instead of understanding, devastation permeates her entire body.
“So, let me get this straight. You knew about this before you came in for your tattoo. Before you took me on the boat and said…all those things.” She chews on her lip. “This entire time you’ve made me believe you and I have a future when you’re fucking moving to London?”
“Yes, I’ve known,” I admit, guilt gnawing at me. “Baby, it’s not like I wanted to keep this secret. I was telling the truth when I told you I was superstitious. I didn’t want to say anything about the move in case I didn’t get the job.”
“Well, that’s a crock of bullshit.” Jordan’s face squinches with frustration. “For something this important you should absolutely tell the person you profess love for.”
She’s absolutely right and I know it. My hands clench into fists because my body is tense with desperation. “I know. I’ve messed up. But I do love you, Jordan. I don’t want to lose what we have. At the same time, this is a massive opportunity for me and for the firm. If we get it, my building will be part of the London skyline forever. Sure, I may have to move to London for a few years, but it’s not forever.
She tugs her T-shirt down. “So, what’s the plan? When is all this happening?”
“My team and I are scheduled to go to London next month for a few weeks.” I run my hands through my hair. “I’ve been struggling to figure out how I can balance our relationship and this job, but I absolutely should have—”
“Wait. You’ve been struggling?” She wraps her arms around herself like a protective barrier. “You’re figuring out you can’t balance a relationship with me and still do this project, aren’t you? Because we’re talking about years.”
“No, that’s not it at all.” I reach out to her, but she steps away.
Jordan is shaking. Her voice warbles. “What is it?”
“I want to be with you, but this is my dream. I can’t give up this opportunity.” It’s the first time I’ve said this out loud and the magnitude of my conflict drops to the ground like a cannonball.
“Of course you can’t. I want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted, Peter.” Tears well up in her eyes. “But where does moving leave us?” Her eyes search mine for answers I don’t have.
All I can do is apologize. “I…uh. I’m sorry. I want us to be together so bad, but I was petrified of losing you.”
And now I’ll probably lose you anyway.
Jordan looks out over the waterfront, her expression torn. “To say this sucks is a fucking understatement. It's a lot to process. I need to think about what I want. What's even possible. I don’t doubt your feelings.” Her voice breaks slightly as she opens the door to go inside. “But in my world, love is about trust. Honesty. You’ve kept this from me, and it feels like a betrayal.”
The warmth of the condo does little to dispel the chill settling over us. Jordan seems lost in thought, her movements automatic.
“I’m going to get dressed,” she says quietly, breaking the silence.
I nod, watching her as she walks away. The sight of her in my T-shirt, which goes past her knees, usually brings me such joy. Now it makes me sad. I’m acutely aware of the emotional distance that’s sprung up between us in minutes.
Left alone in the living room, I sink onto the sofa. The fabric of the cushions still holds our scent from making love last night. A reminder of the intimacy we shared moments ago on the balcony.
It’s hard to reconcile.
Losing Jordan is unfathomable.
