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Jordan sits next to me, her gentle touch warm on my arm. “ I hope you know it's okay to separate yourself from a toxic environment, you aren't tainted by your family’s dynamics unless you allow it. You’re your own person.”
“I do know. I've always felt like I was born into the wrong family. They make me feel guilty for wanting more, like I’m betraying them.” Her empathy compels me to share my innermost thoughts. “I haven't been entirely innocent, though…”
“…Peter, stop.” She takes my hand and squeezes. “Stop beating yourself up. You’re not betraying anyone by living your life on your own terms. You deserve to be happy and free from guilt.”
Taking the liberty of hugging her, I feel a sense of comfort in her arms. “Thank you, Jordan. I’ve kept things from you out of fear—fear you’d see me as part of the dysfunction.”
She pulls away. “I'm glad we spoke tonight. It doesn’t erase the hurt or change anything about needing some time, but it helps me understand you better.”
“I love you.” I look into her green eyes, hoping she feels it. Knows it.
She hesitates then manages a small smile. “I love you, too.”
We stand up from the bench and face each other. The distance between us feels both immense and non-existent. We’re at a crossroads. Our future is uncertain. At least, for now, I can cling to the love we share as a beacon in the darkness.
“Goodbye, Jordan.” My heart aching at the thought of leaving her.
“Goodbye, Peter. Safe travels.” Her voice is laced with a sadness mirroring my own.
I watch her walk to her car across the street and drive away. Taillights disappear into the night.
Turning toward my car, I’m filled with a sense of resolve. This particular trip to London isn’t only about Project SoHo. It’s about figuring out my shit.
No matter what happens, I’ll cherish the time Jordan and I had.
I won't give up hope for a future.
Hope she and I can find our way back to each other.
Chapter twenty-four
Jordan
Three Weeks Later
It’s impossible not to have baby fever.
The atmosphere at my parents’ house is one of joy and celebration. The guests of honor are the same as a few weeks ago—my brother Jace and his wife, Alex. Today isn’t about weddings, though, it’s the welcome party for baby Lennox, their son.
Honestly, it’s a little déjà vu from the wedding a few weeks ago. The band is in attendance along with their wives. My folks, of course, as well as my sister Jen and her wife, Becca. Alex’s parents and her siblings, and a smattering of close friends round out the guests. One person is missing, though.
Peter.
Outside, on the expansive backyard patio, I’m hanging out with the ladies, enjoying a beautiful spring day. The guys are playing pool downstairs, leaving us in a comfortable bubble of female camaraderie. Our conversation, which started out as a general catch-up session, is focused on me, much to my discomfort.
I get it. Everyone is curious about my relationship status with Peter, especially since they last saw us looking blissfully happy at Jace and Alex’s wedding.
“So, Jordan, everyone’s dying to know.” Zoey nudges me playfully. “You and Peter were the picture of schmoopiness at the wedding. How are things?”
Hearing his name sends a pang to my core. “Peter’s in London. He’s up for a big project. Unfortunately, things between us are, uh…complicated.”
“I keep telling her, long-distance can be tough but’s doable if you’re solid. Is everything okay?” Alex hands Lennox to her mom.
Hesitating for a moment, I pick at a loose thread on the cushion of my patio chair. In the past, I’d excitedly confide my problems to this group, knowing I’d be able to crowd-source a solution.
Now, things are different. I’m protective of Peter and our relationship. He’s not Vegas guy anymore. He’s a man I’m in love with, even if we’re not in a good place.
As the weeks have passed, I find I’m not interested in complaining about our situation or making our issues all his fault. The last thing I want is for someone to put all the blame and responsibility on Peter. I don't need anyone telling me I’ll be better off without him. It might be true, or it might not, but it’s on me to stand behind whatever decision I make.
