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Shit.
Ignoring my thoughts, I slowly trace in between her generous tits and place my lips on her neck, her overpowering perfume hits my senses, making me want to gag. But I push through as I run my lips over her sweaty skin and rasp, "And what would you like?"
Her breathing picks up, and I trace my fingers up her thigh, her words coming out breathless. "I want a devil on my thigh to prove to the club I'll always belong to them…."
I nod and grab her hips, pulling her closer to me so my jean-covered cock makes contact with her crotch. She moans and starts to rub herself on me, and sickness takes hold. I can feel my heart beat faster, my palms starting to sweat as the feeling like I'm doing something wrong, like I'm cheating when I know I'm not, takes over me.
I can't fucking do this.
I step back, making her furrow her brows. "Colleen will do the tat for you. Come back tomorrow at four." She sits there a moment, sexually frustrated and confused.
I boom, "Fucking leave!" making her jump off the chair and run out. I grip my hair and crouch down, screaming. I destroy my fucking room.
Vi. Fuck, Vi. I fucking love her, she's all I fucking want, yet I'm too fucking screwed up from years of mental trauma to give her the life she deserves, especially after losing her family. For two years, I've ensured we stay away from the strong subjects, I've determined to remain within the rules, yet I fucking need her.
I love her.
I swipe my arm angrily across my counter, knocking everything off with a crash, and kick my chair over.
The door opens and Breaker rushes in. As soon as he sees me losing my shit, he strides over to me, tackling me to the ground, keeping me there even as I struggle against him.
I love her…she's mine, but she can't be.
Fuck.
"Alright, brother, are you calm?" he asks a little while later, and I give a single nod before he climbs off me. As soon as I'm up, he points to the fucking mess and snaps, "Explain."
I go to shake my head, but he raises a brow, and I rasp, finally admitting, "I'm in love with Violet Bailey. For the past two years, we've been friends-with-benefits because I needed her. And now, I can't fucking see my life without her. Every time I try to fuck someone else, I flip. I feel dirty, and destroy shit. I fucking need Vi like I need air to breathe."
He furrows his brows and asks, "Is that it? That's amazing news, brother."
I shake my head and admit while jabbing at my temple, "I'm too fucked up for her, brother. For as long as I can remember, Snatch has engrained in my head that I was a mistake; that I didn't get her the patch she wanted, and she made sure I knew it was all my fault."
He steps forward with anger in his eyes and snaps, "How?" Breaker knows all about being trapped by a club whore, since his son Noah was just like me.
But I'll never allow the brothers to treat him how I was treated…fucking never.
"She mentally abused me for years, forced me to watch the brothers fuck her, and they allowed it because?—"
He cuts in, finishing the sentence, "Because it could have been them, so they wanted to punish your existence.” He booms, “Fuck!" I nod.
I look around the room and admit, "Dad wasn’t there for the first seven years. He only started to give a shit when Momma came on the scene. Before that, I was passed around by the old ladies who didn't want me, knowing I could have been their stepson. Grams had me most until she went into the home. After Dad decided he wanted to be a father to look good, I had to endure watching him dote on Momma and my little sister. They got the treatment I never did. I was just a fucking kid who didn’t ask to be born to a club whore, and was treated like an unwanted mistake for years. I mean, fuck, I was treated like a traitor up until two years ago when I opened my mouth about how I've been treated. But I just—fuck…I can't do this anymore."
Breaker curses. "Fuck, you're going to hand in your patch, aren't you?"
I shrug, replying, "I can't until the contract for this place is up. Otherwise, I have to pay a lump sum to the club, which is money I'm not willing to pay, not when they’ve taken most my pay since opening the shop. No one ever trusted me, and now I've fallen for someone when I swore I never would because, like fuck would I bring anyone into this life."
He winces, gripping his hair, and rasps, "Brother…."
I shake my head and pick up my tattoo chair. "No, Breaker. I'm sorry, but I just can't. I love her too much to bring her into a life I never wanted, a life I was told I had to take on because I owed it to my absentee father. Fucking hell, I have Snatch demanding money daily. I'm now an officer, a role my own father made sure I didn't get when I should have because I wasn't 'trusted.’” I look at him. "Just promise me one thing." He furrows his brows, and I rasp, "Make sure Noah never gets treated like the unwanted mistake and is punished for his parents’ deeds."
He nods, pain for me shining in his eyes. I look around the room again and mumble, “Fuck it,” and grab my keys. I need to see Vi. Our arrangement is going to end soon; I need to pull out. I feel fucking dirty touching Suzy like I cheated, which is proof we need to end things. I just hope I don't lose her friendship in the process.
I just need that little bit more time with her first.
After telling Breaker not to mention today to anyone, I locked up my room, knowing Colleen tries to go in there to get herself off my chair, and head to my Harley. Violet is the only thing on my mind, thinking about how I can convince her to stay in my life when I end our arrangement.
Just as I reach my bike, my phone rings, and I sigh when I check it to see that it's Snake needing a favor.
