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“Ready?” my father asks.
I grit my teeth and nod before taking his offered forearm, even though I’m furious with him. This marriage is more for him and Lochlan than for me. I’m just supposed to be a broodmare. Madison knew that, it’s why she ran away to wherever the hell she went.
And why am I sort of glad she left so I get the chance to be his? I’m a horrible sister. There’s definitely something wrong with me if I still crave Lochlan’s depravity even knowing he doesn’t care about me, and probably never will.
“I’ll go take my seat,” Vanessa says with a sigh. “Then Cass will come out first. That’s when the quartet will play the wedding march for Sophie.”
“See you out there, butterfly.” My father kisses Vanessa’s cheek before she climbs the stairs, the love between them so obvious it’s nearly palpable in the air. That’s what marriage is supposed to be, being with someone you love for the rest of your life.
“Told you,” Cass murmurs before she shoves a bouquet of black and gold flowers into my hands. She takes her own smaller bouquet and climbs the stairs.
When she’s gone, I turn to my dad and say, “You slept with a lot of women, so how did you know you loved Vanessa?”
“How did I know I loved her?” he repeats, staring up the stairs as if he’s longing to be with her already.
“Yes, why did you give up other women for her and not…not for anyone else?” I don’t mention my mother by name, or Cass’s, or Madison’s.
“Vanessa was…a challenge that I didn’t know I needed. She made me earn her love, prove myself to be worthy of her. I wasn’t sure I would ever convince her, but eventually I did.”
“She didn’t give in right away, so you had to chase her?” Will being a challenge, withholding sex from Lochlan eventually lead to him loving me? Doubtful. It’ll probably make him cheat on me even more, but it’s the only card I have left to play once we’re married.
“Right. And I guess I knew Vanessa was the one when I realized I didn’t want to live without her, that I would do whatever it would take to keep her, to make her happy. There’s nothing that could come between us, no argument that would ever break us apart.”
“What if Lochlan doesn’t ever love me like that?” He’s so cruel and callous, I don’t know if he’s capable of loving anyone other than himself, money, and power.
“Then we’ll do what we have to do…”
What does that mean? I don’t let myself dwell on that question or any other. If we keep them waiting too long, Cass may throw herself at Lochlan. I can’t even stand the thought of that.
My father leads the way up the stairs, and then it’s happening.
On the rooftop, powerful and rich people I don’t know sit on two sides of an aisle that leads to a gazebo covered in flowers where Lochlan is waiting. With the sun setting in the background, it looks so romantic. Too bad it’s all a lie. This wedding is nothing but a business arrangement. A business arrangement with sex and the potential for an heir as added bonuses.
The kind of love like my dad and Vanessa have seems so rare that I doubt I’ll ever experience it. Lochlan just wants a big inheritance of money and power when my father dies. I could see the greed in his eyes when we discussed it earlier. I really hope he doesn’t try to kill him to take it, that this stupid wedding will be enough to avoid any violence.
Once my dad and I reach the steps up to the gazebo, he kisses my forehead, then sits down in the front row next to Vanessa.
An older male officiant I’ve never met before speaks words I barely hear. He talks about love and unity or whatever else while I can’t stop thinking about the embarrassing dampness between my legs. Why didn’t I go to the bathroom to clean up first? Now my panties are ruined, and I have to either wear them for hours or take them off and go without.
The orgasm feels like a taunt now. A way to convince me to do this, to throw me off balance, to make me look stupid and foolish for squirming so desperately for his wriggling tongue. I hate that he had that sort of power over me even momentarily.
My entire life I’ve been timid and weak, mostly ignored by my sisters and our father. I’m the perfect bride for a dominant gangster to manipulate, bending me to his will, whatever that may be.
I’m no longer a child, and I don’t want to be bent by anyone anymore.
I stop thinking about my impotence and damp panties long enough to repeat what the officiant says, although there wasn’t much to it before I had to say, “I do.”
Only when the officiant says, “Do you have rings to exchange?” do I snap out of my frozen stupor.
Rings? I was supposed to get Lochlan a ring? How embarrassing.
I finally look at his face and then back at Vanessa since she planned pretty much everything, soliciting my choices here and there when decisions needed to be made. I don’t remember her ever mentioning rings.
Before I can ask, Cass leans over and holds up a thick silver band in front of my face. “Here.”
Why did she have Lochlan’s ring? Was she seriously that close to marrying him if I hadn’t come out of the dressing room? I don’t understand her at all lately.
“Sophie, place the ring on Lochlan’s finger,” the officiant instructs, so I do it one-handed since I’m still holding flowers. It gets stuck at the knuckle, so Lochlan shoves it the rest of the way. “Good. Now, repeat after me: I give you this ring as a sign of our love and commitment to each other.”
