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1
***Fiona***
Divine intervention. That was what the leader of the Bending Branches Mindfulness Retreat was telling me was to blame for there not being a space for me. Not just me, I guessed, but to the three men who were standing next to me, also listening to a particularly stinky pile of crap. We were all standing in complete silence as the man in front of us fluttered around. I’d never looked at someone and thought of their movements as fluttery before Carl Levine, but there we were. Leader of the retreat and great yogi master, Carl was still talking about fate and the ways of the world.
I wanted to think the best of him, but I’d had a hard life. I was tired and all I wanted to do was curl up in a lumpy camp-style bed so I could sleep for at least twelve hours. I silently went over a list of things I was going to call my older sister, Mallory, for sending me to a retreat that was proving to be anything but relaxing.
“...twenty years and this has never happened. This is the universe at work, for sure. I always say that when the universe talks, we’d do well to listen to her.” Carl drew my focus again as he paced in front of us, speaking with his entire arms. The gauzy top he wore floated around him like it was a harried intern doing its best to keep up with its boss. “I will give up my personal cabin for your experience.”
The silence stretched on and the awkwardness gnawed at me, urging me to fill it with something, anything. I opened my mouth to do just that but one of the men next to me beat me to it. Only, it seemed like he knew exactly what he was saying.
“Is it clean?” The raspy voice came from a man I shockingly recognized from my teenage rock years. It took me less than a handful of seconds to come up with the name of his band, Trashed. “It’s been a long day, man, and I don’t care what the mother universe is saying unless she’s telling me where the closest bed is.”
Before I was done gawking over standing near a small-time celebrity, Carl was back at his fluttering. “It’s clean, of course. A clean mind requires a clean environment. There’s just one problem. A small problem, of course. Nothing fate didn’t plan for, I’m sure.”
“I hope fate planned for an indoor bathroom and temperature control.” I felt my eyes widen as I realized I’d spoken the sassy words aloud. Clearing my throat, I forced a smile and kept my eyes on Carl, even as I felt the eyes of the men next to me turn to me. “Um, I’m sure fate knows what it’s doing…”
Carl stopped in front of me and gently rested his hands on my shoulders. “I can sense your exhaustion, young one. To be so young and so heavy is a crime. This weekend will be good for you.”
I scoffed as he managed to trigger my insecurities and therefore, my anger. “Did you just call me fat? Look, buddy, I don’t know what the universe is telling you, but she should’ve told you to keep your lips zipped about a woman’s weight.”
Carl fluttered a few steps back from me and shook his head, causing his long brown hair to dust over his shoulders. “No, no. I meant that you’re weighed down by life, dear. It’s something I see in a lot of people who come here. Life can be so heavy when you don’t have the tools to truly just be.”
I felt my face turn dark red as I realized I’d just snapped at him for no reason. I heard one of the men next to me try to cover a laugh with a cough and glued my eyes to the floor. “I am so sorry. Just ignore me.”
“I think you will benefit greatly from this experience, young one.” Carl fluttered so close to me that his shirt sleeve brushed over my down-turned face. “Now, back to the small issue with my cabin. I am just one man and as I’ve attuned my life to be one with nature, I’ve let go of most physical things in this world. I have a bed and a couch in the cabin, along with a small bathroom, of course.”
I jerked my eyes up to him and then over the three large men standing there with me. A jolt of awareness hit me as I looked at them and realized they were each as handsome as the next. Before I could really look at them, Carl was dragging focus back to himself.
“Normally, I would never suggest guests share such a small space, but I encourage each of you to stay and participate fully in this wonderful opportunity. The universe wants you here and not listening to her would be tempting fate.” He fluttered to the small desk at the far side of the front office. “I will have the bed made with fresh linens right away. The couch folds out into a bed, as well, so maybe two to a bed?”
My jaw practically unhinged as my mouth fell open. He wanted me to share a bed with one of the handsome giants next to me? I’d been trying to reserve judgment on the fluttery man, but he was pushing me. The word nut was starting to float around just as freely as his shirt.
“You want this woman, who knows none of us, to share a bed with one of us?” That came from the man farthest from me. He ran a big hand through a head full of thick, black hair, leaving it standing on end. “This has to be a fucking joke.”
Carl turned his attention to me again and smiled so serenely that I almost believed everything was fine. “I believe in equality, Mr. Grant. If the young one has an issue with sharing a sleeping space with one of you, she can tell us herself.”
Put on the spot, I froze. I didn’t particularly want to share a bed with anyone, much less a stranger, but Mallory had spent so much of her hard-earned money to send me to the retreat. I hadn’t exactly asked to be sent to one of her woo-woo retreats, but I recognized that I needed a break. I snapped my mouth closed and then opened it again, just to have no sound come out as I tried to form words.
“You would tell us if you had an issue, correct?” Carl kept right on smiling and I kept right on staring at him.
Finally, I made a sound that sounded a lot like I was suggesting that I was okay with sharing a space with one of the men. I looked down to the side and widened my eyes as I mouthed to myself. What the hell did I just agree to?
“Fine. At this point, I just need a shower and a place to sleep.” Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome sighed. “I’m assuming we missed dinner.”
“You did. You also missed my introduction speech. Don’t worry, though. I’ll give you fateful four the abbreviated version on the walk to my cabin. If you’ll just wait here while I arrange the changes, I’d be so grateful.” Carl pressed his hands together in front of his chest and bowed. He turned to leave and then dramatically spun back around. “There are vending machines for emergencies just through that door. I recommend avoiding the highly processed food and meditating through your hunger tonight. It’s much better for your bodies.”
I scowled as he disappeared through a door at the back of the office and shut it snuggly behind him. “Meditate through my hunger? He definitely called me fat.”
Three pairs of eyes turned on me and I started to wonder if Carl’s divine intervention wasn’t intent on killing me through stress. I wasn’t sure if I’d survive a weekend of feeling three intense gazes burning through me.
2
***Fiona***
“Okay, I’ll leave you to sort everything out. Let the universe guide you in your decision.” Carl vanished into the night but popped back into the open doorway almost instantly. “We like to rise with the sun here at Bending Branches. See you all bright and early!”
Jake Moreno, whose name came to me the longer I stared at him, kicked the cabin door shut and grunted. “Fucking pain in my ass.”
