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She sniffles, brushing away stray tears. “Honest answer?”
“Always,” I grit through my teeth, attempting to rein in my emotions.
“At first, I was upset.” She drops her gaze to the floor. “Devastated.”
I swallow that fucking lump that won’t go away, hating the hurt in her tone.
“But then something shifted. Something was…different from before.”
I tilt my head to the side, confused by her words. She just told me, not too long ago, that I haven’t changed.
“I saw the way you looked at me. It was different. You weren’t the boy who left me behind, Aiden.” Her voice pitches, and she takes a moment to compose herself. Her chin tips up, and her eyes meet mine. “The way I felt when you looked at me like that…it’s not normal for me to feel that way.”
“What way?” My voice is thick and husky, and I know it affects her when she closes her eyes and inhales deeply.
“Like you saw me. Cassidy.” She inhales and exhales before finishing her thought. “Not the little girl you used to look at like a little sister.”
I nod slowly, recalling that first night she crawled to me.
God, did I want her.
It had been a long time since I’ve felt that. Hell…I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted someone like that.
“The way you looked at me changed things. I didn’t see you as that boy. I saw Aiden that night, and I wanted him. Wanted you.” She shrugs. “I said fuck it. One night. I’d allow myself one perfect night with you.”
She crosses her arms protectively over her chest. “That was all it was supposed to be. I debated telling you while I showered. I was going to, but then I saw you…”
“Sorting,” I say, remembering that night all too well. “And…”
“And I was brought back to our childhood. I couldn’t not help you. You were my only safe place. You were my home, and when you left, you took that with you. I know it was selfish, but I just couldn’t let you go...”
“I get why you came to the hotel.” I shake my head, clearing the jumbled emotions away. “I even get how we ended up…together.” I give myself a moment to untangle my thoughts. “But you could’ve stopped there. You could’ve turned down my offer and then turned your back on me. Hell…you could’ve told me who you were…but you kept up the lie week after week.”
Her face falls, and as soon as it does, I want to soothe her pain and take my cold words back. But I need to know why.
“I wanted to say something.” Her head falls back. “So many fucking times. But every time I got close, something would happen. Something that would have you needing me, or worse. Something would happen to trigger you, and I couldn’t rock the boat more. I wanted to be there to help you calm down. To show you that you had someone in your corner.”
“How was this supposed to end?” The question is practically a whisper.
“I would have helped you, and eventually, when I felt like you were going to be okay, I would have let you go.” A tear slips down her cheek, and without thought, I reach out and swipe it away. At the touch of my hand against her skin, her eyes close. “All I cared about was you, Aiden.”
“And what about you?”
Her eyes flutter open, and her lips turn down. “I’m used to being second.”
Each word she says feels like a dagger to my heart. For the first time since she’s come back into my life, I see that broken little girl.
“You’d put my happiness before your own?” I mutter, understanding dawning on me.
She’s falling back on old habits.
“Yeah. Every time, Aiden.”
I take a step until our chests practically touch. As I look down at her, all the anger melts away. All the fears surrounding why she lied and why she was here disappear.
She chooses me.
I know she lied, but hearing her reason, hearing her truth, I can’t be mad.
