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40
CASSIDY
If he only knew.
He thinks I’m a good person. But I know the truth.
My hand reaches beneath the blanket, and despite the fact that I shouldn’t, I can’t help but touch the scar that lies there on my arm near the juncture of my wrist.
Blood. So much blood.
I have to stop the bleeding.
It pools on my skin, but it won’t cease.
I rip my shirt above my head, tying it around the wound, praying it will help.
Something tells me it won’t.
This pain will never go away.
The one that holds my secrets. One of many scars, but this one is the only one you can see with the naked eye.
How fitting that it would be the one to brand me for a lifetime.
I’m not sure what to say about what he just told me. I never knew why he stayed away. I had my suspicions, but it turns out that none of them were true. They were little lies the broken girl inside me whispered to keep me rooted. To keep me beholden to my circumstances.
That broken girl didn’t want me to see that I deserved so much more. That I too was capable of escape.
Now I know Aiden’s reasons, and it helps me to understand a little better why he did what he did.
It doesn’t erase the pain I felt. The hurt of feeling like I wasn’t enough.
The truth is, nothing will take away that pain, but it will help me heal. Will help dull it over time.
The process started when I first saw him again, and every day, it gets better. After this conversation, it will only happen quicker. I needed to have this talk.
We can’t get back all the years lost. All the time lost to the lie hurts.
In life, there are crossroads, and you can never know where they will lead you, but I do know that I had to do what I did, and so did he. It’s a truth I can live with.
It doesn’t erase the past and everything that came after and between this moment. And that’s the part that haunts me now.
My mind shifts back to how I lied to him about who I truly was. Because I was afraid. Because I didn’t want him to send me away.
If only I could go back, maybe I could have changed something. Maybe things could have been different. Maybe I never would have had to—
“Why are you crying?” The rough pad of his finger touches my skin and brings me back to the present. That’s when I realize a tear has slipped down my cheek. One he’s collected on the tip of his finger. He tilts his head toward me. “What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
A sob bursts through my chest, unbidden. “I’m a horrible person.”
His eyes go wide, and his mouth drops open. “You aren’t.” He says it with so much conviction that a girl who hasn’t done the things that I have might believe him. I don’t. I know better.
“You wouldn’t know.” My voice quivers as I think back on my past.
He sits up, bringing me with him. He’s staring into my eyes, trying to convey that he means what he says.
“Not true, Cass. Despite everything, I know you.”
