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Removing the colors he doesn’t like.
His hand reaches in, and we work in silence.
Just as we did so many times before.
7
AIDEN
What the fuck is happening?
I’m sitting here, sorting Sweet Tarts with the woman I just used to fuck the tension out of me. We work in silence; her allowing me my impulses without judgment.
I waited for the words to come. The words that always came when I gave in to my needs…
What is wrong with you?
Why can’t you be normal?
The screams of the past echo in my ears, but instead of taunting, I’m met with silence.
I watched her face closely when she found me sorting out the blues, and there was zero hint of laughter at my expense. She actually jumped right in to help. Something I’ve never allowed anyone.
Well…except…
I shake that thought from my head. Nothing good comes from looking back.
I’ve built a new life. One I can be proud of, despite all the things working against me. And I’ve done it by keeping my private life just that…private.
Now I’ve allowed this unknown woman into my space, and she’s seen the things I do.
Control.
Sort.
Fixate.
What is going through her head?
We’ve been working in tandem seamlessly, the quiet not seeming to bother either of us. But now that we’re nearing the end, the silence is suffocating. Is that when this peaceful moment between us will shatter with the questions she will undoubtedly ask?
That’s not something I’m going to allow to happen. My secrets are mine, and I control the narrative. Besides, I don’t think I could handle this woman poking around and uncovering just how fucked up I am.
I clear my throat and speak. “Thank you.”
She turns to me, eyes narrowed, but I don’t say anything.
Eventually, she shrugs. “It’s no problem.”
That’s it. That’s all she says. No questions. So I continue weaving my tale, just like I did at the beginning with Mike and the guys.
“It’s part of my pre-game ritual. I’m sure it doesn’t make sense to you, but all the guys have them. This is one of mine.”
She blinks a few times, and I wonder what she’s thinking. What’s she going to say?
I’m full of shit.
Obviously, I have pre-game rituals. That part isn’t a lie. This, though…it’s not one of them. This is a compulsion I’ve had for as long as I can remember.
