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“Hey, it’s Sebastian. Is this a bad time?”
My chest warmed at his voice.
“No. I just got back from my parents and settled in on the couch with a drink. How are you? When are you coming home?”
His sigh traveled over the line. “Tired. More so than normal, but this particular job was more difficult than expected. It’s taken a lot out of me, and we have another one before I can come back to Portland.”
“Why was it harder?” I chewed on my bottom lip, knowing better than to ask. “I’m sorry. I understand you can’t give any details, but can I help in any way?” I sipped my drink, the bubbles from the soda tickling my nose.
“Simply hearing your voice is helping.” His tone held such warmth and vulnerability that a wave of longing washed over me.
Everything inside me responded, and I was overwhelmed by the need to be with him. How could I be torn between two men?
“Sebastian,” I began gently, “We’re still getting to know each other, but I can’t help but feel there’s something else on your mind. I can’t imagine how hard your work is. Seeing what you see can mentally wear you down. I just want you to know that I’m here if you need to talk.”
The seconds ticked by as a heavy silence fell between us.
“I’m starting to think that this life isn’t for me anymore, Ella. I’m gone all the time, and it’s dangerous. I don’t mind because I’m helping women and kids, but … I’m considering handing things off to Dope and a few others. I can still fund the projects but work more in the background versus in the field.”
My brows arched with his confession, and I wondered what was driving the change. “Have you been thinking about this for a while?”
“Off and on, but I won’t lie. I miss you, Ella. I feel like I’m missing out on spending time with you, and I’m not liking it very much. I’ve not felt that way about anyone before. Not like this.”
Belonging engulfed me like a blanket, its warmth threatening to swallow me whole as I grappled with the realization that I cared deeply about both Death and Sebastian. I doubted my feelings for Sebastian would disappear just because I found myself seamlessly drawn to both, caught in their magnetic pull of good and evil.
“Really?” I chewed on my bottom lip, loving the sound of seeing him more often.
“Yeah. It’s different for me. I’m forty, I’ve dated, but I haven’t ever felt like there was a possibility of settling down with anyone until recently. I’m not saying let’s run off and get married or anything crazy, just that I would like to spend my time differently … and with you.”
Closing my eyes, I allowed my thoughts to soar with the idea of dinners, long walks, movie marathons while wrapped in Sebastian’s strong arms, and lazy afternoons. I missed him, and I couldn’t wait for him to come home.
“Sebastian, I would love to see you more, but I can’t be the reason that you step down from the work you’re doing. The world needs you.”
“And I need time with you. I can still do a lot of good work behind the scenes.”
Responding to his blunt honesty, I fought the urge to tell him I needed him too. Losing myself in the moment, I sucked in a deep breath as my pulse pounded against my wrist.
“Since I’ve met you, Ella, I look forward to seeing you when you visit the bar. You’ve given me a new perspective, and I’m interested in seeing what could happen between us.”
My heart and mind played tug of war as I weighed out my developing feelings for Sebastian and Death—two completely different men. One fed my darkness. The other fed the light. Inwardly, I groaned. I was in bigger trouble than I realized.
“I’d like that too. And I’ve missed you more than I thought was possible. At least you were able to call.”
“Good, I’m glad you’re wanting the same thing. I’ll call as soon as I can. As far as I’m concerned, burner phones are a gift from the heavens. I’ll use one to call you, then stomp on it and throw it away. I know you can’t reach me, Ella, but if you need anything, go see Kip at the bar. He stayed behind this time. Besides, I don’t trust that Stephen won’t show up. It’s making me uncomfortable.”
I didn’t miss the edge in his tone, but I wasn’t sure if it had something to do with Kip or Stephen since he didn’t elaborate.
“I’ve not seen Stephen, but I’ll keep it in mind. Thank you.”
Liar!
“I have to go. Be a good girl for me.”
My shoulders slouched. I’d been anything but his good girl. I’d fucked a serial killer, among a laundry list of other things. “Please be safe.”
“I will. Later.”
I tapped the red button on the screen and ended the call. My heart melted into a puddle on the floor in response to Sebastian’s concern for me. He had every right, but he wasn’t overbearing or crowding me. He seemed like the type of man that would be protective, but at the same time gave me space.
