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So many emotions swirled inside me that I couldn’t make heads or tails of what I was feeling. After I confessed to Death the name of the person who had hurt me, I wrestled with the fact that I was potentially responsible for a man’s murder. At first, I struggled with remorse and guilt, but I quickly got over it. A few hours later, I wasn’t suffering with one fucking drop of regret that I gave him up. It was freeing.
The thought of that sick bastard answering for what he’d done to me and the other kids had sent my emotions into overdrive. Yet when Death had sworn revenge, my hormones kicked into high gear, leaving my body wanting him again. I was ready to fuck Death’s brains out for taking care of me, but he’d deflected my advances and tucked me into bed. Once I was snuggled beneath the covers, he also crawled in and held me until I fell asleep. Not once did I wake up fearful of who would hurt me next. For the first time since I was young, I felt safe and hopeful that I could shed the shame I’d carried for so many years.
I tossed and turned, my damp sheets sticking to my clammy skin. Apparently, Death had left sometime in the middle of the night, and my mind started to race with possibilities—where was he now? Was he tracking down the monster? A chill ran through me as I realized that I should have been disturbed by the fact that I was enjoying the thought of Death killing my molester, but instead, I felt a strange connection to Death. Even if I wasn’t the one to end someone’s life, I was helping direct him toward justice. It should have made me uncomfortable, but my heart beat faster in anticipation.
I placed my bare feet on the area rug, digging my toes into the soft, beige fabric. I stood and stretched, groaning from the previous evening’s chase and capture. My body ached and the cuts on the bottom of my feet were tender. My pulse spiked, reliving the chase in my mind. I blew out a heavy sigh as my body trembled with fear all over again. I hadn’t ever seen Death so furious. Somewhere in my mind, I suspected I was always safe with him. I was so wrong. In his rage, I’d been terrified Death would snap and kill me, but thank god he wasn’t ready to let go of me yet.
I attempted to steady my frayed nerves and focused on the good part—the rough sex had been mind-blowing. He intuitively knew some of my darkest fantasies, playing them out as it served him.
Glancing at my phone on the nightstand, I stared at it, frowning as I saw two missed texts and a call from last night. I tapped the screen, Sebastian’s name lighting up.
Sebastian:
I’ll be home in a few days. I can’t wait to see you.
Sebastian:
I’d hoped to talk. Sorry we missed each other.
Not wanting him to panic that Stephen had come after me, I messaged him immediately.
Me:
I’m sorry. I fell asleep early last night. I can’t wait to see you too.
I groaned, once again torn in two different directions about the men in my life. A part of me craved Sebastian’s gentleness as much as I craved Death’s abuse. He could offer me a life, a family, security. I could offer him the same. There was no possible way that I could build a future with Death. I didn’t even know what the fucker looked like or who he really was, but more than that, he was unhinged and fucking crazy.
Before making coffee, I threw on a pair of black yoga pants and a grey hoodie. My parents would be stopping by on their way to the airport for their trip to California, and I needed to hide the cuts and bruises on my body. It terrified me to think it might be the last time I saw Dad, but I reminded myself that this trial had done well for the cancer patients who had gone through the treatment already.
My doorbell rang, and I set my coffee mug down and hurried to answer. I opened the door, greeting my mom.
“Hey, thanks for stopping by.” I hugged her, wishing I could go with them, but she insisted I stay and keep an eye on their house, water their plants, and leave lights on. She also promised that she would update me every day.
“Of course. I wouldn’t leave without you and Dad having a few minutes together first. It will be strange not seeing you all the time. It’s been a nice perk since I haven’t been traveling.” She patted my cheek and offered me a warm smile.
My thoughts drifted to my confession to Death, my heart breaking at the idea of Mom and Dad learning the truth about me. About their friend. To my parents, I could do no wrong, and I think with their love and support, I couldn’t stand to disappoint them by falling for a pedophile’s lies. As an adult, I understood it wasn’t my fault, but it didn’t make the feeling go away. It would crush them that one of their closest friends was an evil, twisted man. I’d chosen to carry the burden myself until I’d shared it with Death last night.
Pushing the thoughts aside, I slipped my arm through Mom’s as we walked to the car, where Dad was settled into the front seat.
“There’s my girl.” He offered me a weak smile.
I opened the passenger door and sat on the edge, hugging him. “Hi. Are you ready for your trip? I have faith that this trial is the one, and when it's done, I’ll be right here waiting for you.” With my head on his chest, I listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, burning this moment into my memory for the rest of my days. Tears pricked my eyes, but I forced them back. I could cry later. I didn’t want to waste the few minutes I had with him by sobbing.
“I get to fly in a medical helicopter, Ella. You know I’ve always wanted to fly in one. Granted not for medical reasons, but hey. Now’s my chance.” His soft chuckle was music to my ears. “I would have taken another ride in an ambulance but refused since they wouldn’t stop by to let me see my girl. Hell, I hate those damn things, anyway. No windows.”
“You should have gone in the ambulance, Dad. I could have met you somewhere to say goodbye. They need to monitor your heart constantly and make sure you have the medical attention you need when you’re not home. It’s why you’re flying to California, remember?”
“You know your father. He’s determined to do things his way even when it’s a stupid idea,” Mom said from behind me.
“At least Mom doesn’t have to drive and can join you in California in a few hours. Maybe she can rest on her flight.”
Dad’s brows knitted together. “You think they’d let her on the helicopter with me.”
“They don’t have enough room, and family typically isn’t allowed on flights like that.”
He mumbled in agreement.
Raising up, I kissed him on the cheek. “No matter what happens, just know that you’re my hero. Thank you for believing in me, Dad.”
