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“I don’t think so. It’s just… Can you get me pregnant?” she asked in a breathless rush.
Emotions rushed across his face too fast for her to read. Sorrow, perhaps? Or longing? But then he shook his head.
“I’m on a fertility restrictor.”
Why did she feel so disappointed?
“Mary thought you probably were since we hadn’t discussed it.”
His hand dropped again, but this time to cover her stomach.
“Did you think I would do that to you? To fill your sweet body with my seed and create a new life together?” He almost sounded as if he wanted that too, but before she could gather up the courage to ask, his face hardened. “I would never betray you that way.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” she said quickly. “But I had to ask.”
“I understand. I should have mentioned it, but I never intended…”
He stopped abruptly and returned to washing her but the mood had definitely shifted and it was quick and efficient rather than slow and sensual. They dressed and returned to the kitchen and he played with Raja while she put the finishing touches on dinner.
As they ate, she told him about what she’d accomplished and what she planned to tackle over the next week. He joined in on her plans, except when she asked him if he could find her a ladder.
“No ladders,” he said sternly. “Not when you’re here by yourself. I’ll take care of it the next time I’m free.”
She rolled her eyes, but his protectiveness still filled her with warmth.
“I’ve told you everything about my day, but you didn’t mention yours,” she said as they finished eating. “How was it?”
“A little mixed but good overall. I enjoyed working with the cattle. It felt… familiar.”
She was glad he’d been able to enjoy it, despite his feelings about his family, but what wasn’t he telling her?
“If that was the good part, what was the bad part?”
“I don’t think bad is the right word exactly, but I knew one of the other warriors - Kalpar.” He sighed. “I met him during the war, but it wasn’t under the best circumstances.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. Well, perhaps. You should know anyway.”
“Know what?”
He sat back in his chair, looking out the window, unseeing.
“The Alliance decided I had some useful skills and they ordered me to do a number of… not nice things. And I did them. At first because I believed I was helping to win the war. But by the end… I had become the monster they wanted me to be.”
“You are not a monster,” she said fiercely. “You’re strong and brave and caring and I…”
“You what?”
His eyes focused on her face with burning intensity, the blue so bright it was almost incandescent.
“I love you,” she said quietly.
For a second the blue blazed even brighter, but then he closed his eyes.
“You shouldn’t, Lottie. I can’t give you what you want.”
Her chest ached, but she wasn’t given up that easily.
