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“So you could free us!”
“Yes, well...” I had nothing else to say on that matter. “I can’t describe how it felt to be connected to someone after being so alone. To have you. To hear you defend me and have you comfort me. I-I was more drunk on the fact that you were willing to trust me than I was fucking you the first time.”
She sucked in a thin breath.
“That’s not to say I didn’t lose myself the moment I sank inside you. Jesus Christ, the moment I entered you, my body became yours. I know you felt it was different between us. I know you did.” My voice turned dark. “You came in the shower this morning. You came so damn hard I can still feel you squeezing me. You gave me no choice but to shatter with you. So how do you explain that if you aren’t as aware of me as I am of you?”
Her chin tipped haughtily. “Why? Does it bother you that you can’t own my pleasure the way you thought you did? That you aren’t the master of my body just because you leashed me?”
“No, it bothers me that you’re not being honest.”
“Like you are?”
“Yes,” I snapped. “I will never hide myself from you. I will never keep things from you, and that’s why I’m—”
“Tell me, if you’re feeling so chatty all of a sudden...” She balled her hands. “If Victor tells you to cut off one of my fingers or my ear or even a hand…will you?”
“What? No, of course not.” I scowled. “Why would I rob your body of its parts when it’s your body that I want to rule?”
“Other Masters do. Or are you deliberately ignoring the fact that some jewels are missing pieces? Do you honestly not care that you’re abusing the very same people you promised to save?”
“I’ve accepted their place, just like I’ve accepted mine. And yes, I’m aware. I noticed the other morning. But I’m not like that.”
“But you want to hurt me?”
“I do.”
“Then don’t you see the hypocrisy? You say you’re not into butchering me, but you’re okay with people who are? There’s a word for that, you know…complacency. Complacency is just as bad as the one committing the sin.”
“I think I preferred you asleep. Least your tongue was quiet.”
“You could just cut it out.” She shrugged as if she truly didn’t give a damn. “Ensure I’m forever your meek little silent slave.”
“Tempting.” I laughed under my breath.
She gasped. “You’re a mess, Henri. You think you’re free? You’re not. I truly do think you’re giving me your truth, but in reality, you have no idea what that truth is. You’re happy to turn a blind eye to what others do if you get what you want.” She shook her head with all the gravity of a judge. “And that doesn’t just make you monstrous. It makes you inhuman.”
I stiffened. “I’m human, little nightmare. And…just because I don’t agree with some of what goes on here doesn’t mean I have to partake.” I shrugged and gave her another truth. “You heard my brother. He’ll kill me if I ever leave this place. I’ve made my bed, and I’m happy to lie in it. Just like I’m happy to lie in it with you.”
She rubbed her brows as if I gave her a headache. “Tell me…if Victor offered you another cross to strap me to and another blade to cut me with right now…would you do it?”
“Another question you already know the answer to. Yes,” I said with no hesitation. “Yes. A thousand times yes for a thousand bleeding droplets.”
“So…knowing that you want that, knowing that you need that, how the hell can you sit there and talk about love and marriage and—”
“I can because I feel both. Light and dark. Good and bad. I want to own you. So fucking badly. I want to tell you to crawl to me, bow to me, give me access to everything you are. I have depraved and perverted urges. And yes, I will hurt you, as often as I damn well feel like, but I will ensure no one else lays a finger on you. I will protect you…if you play along with me again. If you—”
“Pretend I’m your wife?”
“No, just…I don’t know. Pretend—”
“That I enjoy it? That I’m turned on by you whipping and demeaning me?”
“No, I—”
“Do you expect me to kneel at your feet in worship instead of contempt?”
“Bon Dieu, ferme-la seconde.” (Christ, shut up for a second.)
I shot a look at Victor heading in our direction.
So close.
Too close.
Hurry.
Leaning forward, I clamped my hands together. “Having you play along with me when you thought I was a cop and my every touch would get you free was one of the best experiences of my life, but…I was also frustrated. The fact that you submitted? That you restrained your natural instincts to fight? I…I appreciated it but also hated it.”
