ME: Can you save your bragging until we’re done? I need help.
HEIDI: Okay, so you fucked your boss. I assume you’re going to keep fucking him.
ME: I might have already done it again.
HEIDI: DAMN, GIRL.
HEIDI: What a slut.
ME: Hey!!!
ME: A little bit, yeah.
HEIDI: Shit. You’re down bad.
ME: I’M NOT DOWN ANYWHERE.
HEIDI: I bet your boss would like you to be down on your knees.
HEIDI: And down on him.
ME: HEIDI YOU AREN’T HELPING!
HEIDI: Did you really text me expecting me to help?
Yes, actually.
That was exactly what I was hoping for.
ME: That was clearly my mistake.
HEIDI: Indeed. You should have known better.
HEIDI: You’re obviously having a crisis. What’s on your mind, Slutty McSlutterslut?
Weren’t best friends great? They were always right there to tell you exactly what you needed to hear.
I did feel a little slutty.
It was nice of her to inadvertently validate my feelings.
ME: …What am I supposed to do when we come back to London?
HEIDI: That’s a conversation you should be having with your boss.
ME: Fine. It’s Aunt Fizz’s birthday next weekend. I should probably come back for it and have some time away from him, right?
HEIDI: If you think you’re getting all scrambled up, then yes. You’re living right on top of each other and can’t get any space. It might not be a bad thing to get some distance.
ME: All right. Thanks. I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t overreacting.
HEIDI: You’re not overreacting, Chlo.
HEIDI: I think you’re a fool for tossing away a weekend of apparently good dick, but you’re not overreacting.
ME: Is it throwing away a weekend of good dick if I can get it any day of the week?
HEIDI: Damn.