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That’s a problem for this afternoon, though, as I race downstairs and stuff my wet clothes into my backpack stashed in the corner. Heather raises a brow as I scramble to my station, glad I didn’t get coffee in my hair. Having to wash the curls would be a son-of-a-bitch and I don’t have the time nor the patience to deal with them.
“You were gone long,” Gerald muses, wiggling his eyebrows.
Tracey slaps his arm as she wipes off the counter. “Well, he was sopping wet with coffee. Thank god one of the janitors came to clean it up. I didn’t want to do it. You okay? You looked like you saw a ghost after you bumped into Daddy Pierce.”
I shrug. “Thought I was getting fired. He’s really nice, though. Showed me the showers in the lounge.”
“I bet he showed you!” Gerald shouts and I punch him in the arm when he gets close enough. He nearly drops the freshly washed espresso glasses and glares at me. “What the fuck was that for?”
“Cheapening me to quickies all the goddamn time. So what if there was something between us? Or if there isn’t? The fact that you constantly insinuate my crush with just jumping on his dick because I want something is vile. Some of us want an actual relationship, not just a sugar daddy to pay for our spoiled asses.”
Gerald places the glasses down and rubs his arm, tilting his head to the side. “You’re wound really tight today. Sorry about the comments. You never mentioned that they were bothering you. You good?”
“I wish everyone would stop asking me that,” I mumble and then sigh. “That was rude. I didn’t sleep last night and finals are this week.” Gerald pats me on the back and disappears to the kitchen as Tracey turns to face the counter. Tracey is in a few of my classes but she doesn’t seem to be having half as hard a time as I am.
I’m left alone with my thoughts and Heather staring at me from the other side of our workspace. Her arms are folded across her chest as she muses about my outburst before nodding her head toward the entrance.
I don’t want to follow her. I’m going to get another lecture about taking care of myself. However, she’s the only real voice of reason I have in this world so I do her bidding, grabbing my bag on the way out just in case this is the end of our work relationship.
“Yeah?” I ask as I push out of the double doors.
“You’re going to have to tell him, Atlas. No, don’t look at me like that. Raphael mentions you from time to time, wants to check up on you. I don’t give him much because it’s not my place but he needs to know. Regardless of what happens, building your relationship on a lie is only going to come back on you. Do you even remember the moments before Raphael?” Heather prods as she searches my expression.
I don’t want to remember those moments. The moments when I carried on like a zombie because my ex-boyfriend not only shattered my heart but then decided to pick up the pieces and incinerate them. The cheating, lies, and mental abuse broke me down until I was merely a shell of myself. I can’t do that again.
“I know I have to tell him, Heather. It’s just hard. He’s… Raphael Pierce! And I’m the kid who sleeps in his car or the shelter and can barely afford to eat. I bust out stupid animal facts when I get too nervous and he’s…-” I throw my hands up, gesturing to the entire building.
“And yet he chose you out of all the millions of people.”
I shake my head, trying not to believe June’s words from yesterday but they still bother me. “It’s just a revolving door. When I’m no longer exciting, he’ll just find someone else.” When he finds out how I live, he’ll walk away just like he did earlier.
“You take that back. This self-destructive behavior isn’t helping anyone, Atlas. You’re not allowed to break down until you talk to Raphael. You have no idea how he’s going to react until you do. And don’t assume anything. I’ve known him far longer than I’d like to admit and while he might not always make the right choices, he has a heart of gold. Don’t cheapen his choice, Atlas.” Heather runs her tongue along her upper teeth as she fishes around in her pocket and hands me a $20. “Eat because I know you haven’t. Refuse the money and I’ll let Raphael know that you’re skipping meals.”
I’ve never snatched money faster than I have just now.
“Talk to him, Atlas.”
I nod as I scamper toward the bus, not wanting to deal with my car and whether or not it might turn on today. Pulling out my phone, I send Raphael just two words. It might destroy everything but I need just one more day.
Tomorrow night.
Chapter 6
RAPHAEL
Meetings swallow my day whole but my mind keeps drifting to Atlas and the fear lingering in his expression at the conversation we’re supposed to have tomorrow evening. I don’t understand the fear or the thought behind the two-word text he sent this morning. He’s scared, but of what? Me? Or is it something else? I meant it when I told him that I couldn’t fully love him if he was always running away. I hope he takes that as a chance to open up to me rather than ending this.
I’m not sure what I’d do if Atlas told me this was the end.
Gathering a business proposal I’ll need to take home with me, I step out of my office pleased to see that Karla is sitting there rather than June. Karla knows my thoughts on her daughter since I sent a very polite but heavily worded email that June was not to return. I hope she wasn’t banking on an internship here.
One of the guards that mans the security for the building approaches. He worked for my father and now works for me, as do many of the lingering staff. I like the fact that so many stayed on, believing in the company and my ability to run it. “Lance, it’s been a minute since I’ve seen you up this high.”
He snorts and clasps my outstretched hand. “Been a while since I had something that doesn’t require the security team’s knowledge.” Lance pulls out a small device from his pocket, larger than a phone but smaller than any tablet I’ve worked on recently. He scrolls through a few apps before pulling up one of the cameras that faces the parking lot. “There’s a car that’s been there all day and part of yesterday. Recognize it?”
I bite my tongue because Lance knows I do. No wonder he had to bring this to me rather than ask me to go down to the security room or stop me just before I left the building. “If it hasn’t moved by tomorrow, let me know.” Lance nods, shooting me a wiry grin. We both know that it belongs to Atlas. What I want to know is why it sits in the parking lot so often when he has to travel to and from school every day. There are nights it hangs in the parking lot and others when Atlas slides in and takes off as if nothing is wrong.
That’s when I realize nothing has ever been right. There’s a slight panic in his expression as he turns the key, the mumbled words ‘come on’ as if I’m not standing a few inches from his window. Oh, Atlas. My heart goes out to my lover and the fact that he doesn’t want me to see him struggle.
