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I might actually be a spy and this seemed like a great opportunity to do spy shit.
Rena from Lakebend Records said I have to.
“Should we put the cutout against the wall or beside the mirror? Beside the mirror, right?”
I don’t respond because Chad is talking to some older man on a video call, not me. He’s talked to this person at least twice a day since the start of the tour. Last night it seemed like the call was for the sole purpose of saying good night. It was weird even before he referred to the man as “Mr. Reedweather.”
Despite the dramatic pretense, as far as I can tell this “exceedingly important project” doesn’t seem to involve me at all, however. I thought it might get me facetime with Jarvis to further my goal of unearthing any scheming plots against Larinda, but mostly it’s entailed listening to these two speak in a made-up code that’s incredibly easy to decipher. Jarvis isn’t even here.
Correction. Technically, I am getting facetime with that scheming jerk, it just happens to be a life-sized cardboard face at the top of a life-sized cardboard cutout of the man. Interestingly, the only distinguishable difference between the real man and the cardboard version is the “It’s a streamin’ thang!” slogan plastered across the middle of the cardboard version. For the record, the three-minute ode to Sandeke Telecom’s internet service that spawned this now-famous catchphrase somehow hit two charts.
“Is there a radiator?” the man named Reedweather asks.
“Not that I can see,” Chad replies.
“That’s too bad. They say it’s always best to place things in front of radiators whenever possible.” His sage tone almost makes that seem like irrefutable advice.
Put things in front of radiators. Got it.
“How about by the mirror, then?” Reedweather says.
“Excellent suggestion, sir!” Chad agrees, forgetting that was his idea twelve seconds ago.
He moves fake Jarvis, who’s already stationed in front of the wall-length mirrors, three inches to the left.
“Any word on Project Hummingbird?” Reedweather asks.
My brain immediately switches to “actual information” mode when Chad’s gaze flickers to me.
“Nothing of note to report. All is going according to plan.”
He winks at me.
“Excellent. So you’ve developed a plan?”
“So many plans! Prepare to be astounded when you read the report. I’ve added twenty-three crystals and even recruited a valuable asset.”
Another wink for me. The crystal thing—no clue—but am I the asset? It’s either me or cutout Jarvis, so I guess it’s me. I suppose beating out a piece of paper for a job I don’t want is better than losing to it.
“That’s my boy. Dogmatic Positioning as they say. Well, I must go. Important things, you know.”
“Of course! I keep forgetting it’s Friday. I’ll call you later.”
“No need. I’ll still be doing important things then.”
“It’s totally fine! I don’t mind. Have a great day, sir. Tell Mary Lou I said hello. Oh, and check your email because I may have sent a teensy-weensy surprise. Hint: it’s the table of contents for the report!”
I’m pretty sure the man hung up a while ago, but Chad doesn’t seem to notice.
