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A yell comes from the living room, “Don’t hog the newbie, Hunter!”
Knox walks me into the room where the rest of the St. James family is gathered, except for his mom. He keeps his promise and doesn’t let go of my hand.
“Hi, everyone,” I say sounding small and meek even to my own ears. The blood is rushing through my veins, and I feel dizzy. I didn’t think this was going to be so hard. I used to be at this house more than my own.
“Hi, Scarlett, it’s so good to see you again.” Miles waves from his place across the room but doesn’t get up.
“Hello, Scarlett.” Wilder and his wife Ivy come over. Wilder watches as Ivy gives me a hug. “I’m Ivy. I married this big grump and the baby floating around somewhere is ours. I’m so glad you came with Knox tonight. He’s talked about you a lot.”
“Thank you. Knox has told me all about you and Wilder too. I’ve seen lots of pictures of your little girl too. She’s gorgeous.”
Knox proclaims, “I’m her favorite uncle,” loud enough that all the men hear it and start a debate on who Jovie loves the most.
“She’s two months old.” Ivy whispers. “I’m her favorite and that’s only when it’s time to eat.”
We both laugh and listen as the brothers argue. I remember coming to the St. James house before and a lot of this feels the same. The brothers were much younger then and Clara was tiny, but it was always chaotic, welcoming, and fun. Maybe I need to relax and just try to enjoy myself. But first, I’m going to confront the one thing that could ruin this night. If I’m going to be the woman Knox deserves then I need to be strong enough to be accountable to his mother.
“Knox, I’m going to go ask your mom if she needs help,” I whisper to him.
“Are you sure, baby?” he asks. His face shows concern and love, but there’s also pride. I know this is the right thing to do.
I nod and let go of his hand. “It’ll be okay.”
I turn and walk toward the kitchen. How many times have I walked down this hall, photographs starting as newborns of each kid, family photos, Wilder and Ivy’s wedding photo, and a picture of their first grandchild. Knox has started this in his own home and someday it could be our lifetime of memories in a hallway someone walks through.
Emily St. James, the matriarch of the St. James family, is standing in the middle of the kitchen doing nothing. She’s just standing there.
Why?
“I was waiting for you to come back here,” she says as if she knows what I was thinking. “We need to talk without the audience.”
She pulls down a bottle of brandy from the top shelf and two glasses. Shit. Everyone knows that she only drinks this when she’s very angry or very sad. From the look on her face as she pours two snifters, she’s both.
She hands me one and I take a small sip. “Thank you.”
“I was so angry at you.”
“I know.” The tears start gathering in my eyes. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this.
“I loved you like a daughter, and you broke him,” she says taking a deep breath. “He was destroyed when you left, and no one understood what happened. I was so angry until I found out the truth.”
“The truth?” I don’t know what she’s talking about.
“About two years after you left, after Knox had been doing good at Yale and everything was normal again, I talked to your parents. We had a long talk about you leaving, Knox’s behavior after and everything. I began to see things more clearly. I never knew exactly why you left, and I didn’t say anything to Knox about the talk, but it helped me let go of my anger.”
“My parents never said anything.” I wish they had, but we aren’t exactly close.
“No, we all said we wouldn’t say anything to either of you. I thought it was best to let it all go. You were likely to never see each other again and Knox was better. As a mother, that’s really all I cared about.”
“I understand.” And I do.
“Then you came back, and I admit I was angry again. I was afraid that the two of you would still have that fire that burned too bright and once again destroy each other. I knew that Knox was a different person. I knew and I still worried. You — I knew nothing about you and I judged you harshly. I’m very sorry for that.”
“You weren’t wrong to be afraid. I was afraid. I didn’t know what to expect when I came back here, but I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. I thought Knox had probably moved on with someone else.”
“That boy was only meant for you,” his mom says with a laugh.
“Just like I’m only meant to be his.”
