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A knock at my door pulls me out of my pity party for one.
“Coming,” I yell, throwing on a sweatshirt as I pass my kitchen table. I’m not exactly dressed for company. I’m dressed for stuffing my face with ice cream while drinking a bottle of wine by myself. Who could be knocking at my door without calling first?
Of course, it’s Gillian. I ran out of the office this afternoon before I could see her again, on purpose. Now she’s here with pizza, wine, and an expression that says she’s not leaving until she gets the whole story.
“I’m not letting you avoid me. Archer has a video call meeting tonight, so I’m here. What happened with Knox?”
“You know as a best friend you are very annoying,” I say as I pull down wine glasses and plates.
She smiles and uncorks the wine. “I know, it’s one of my most endearing traits. You know you love me.”
A snort escapes from me and we both break out in giggles. It feels so good to laugh after the intensity of emotions I’ve felt today.
“I think your endearing trait is one of the reasons Harlow stayed in Las Vegas.” Gillian’s best friend since childhood had moved to Las Vegas after their Valentine’s Day trip. After their own whirlwind romance, Harlow is engaged to Archer’s brother, Liam.
“I think that had more to do with a certain man and his magic dick.” Wiggling her eyebrows, Gillian thrusts her hips to emphasize her point. “Now, don’t ignore my question.” She takes a big bite of pizza and continues with her mouth full. “Knox.”
I love Gillian so much. She’s the biggest mess and has the biggest heart. “Knox. Well, it didn’t go well. We were talking and he said he didn’t hate me. Then we kissed.”
“Whoa,” Gillian interrupts.
“Yeah, it was sweet. Until it turned into more.” My face heats at the memory of how good it felt to be in his arms again. “We had sex in my office. He told me I was more beautiful and sexier now than I was when we were teens and was the sweetest, sexiest, dirtiest, hottest, lover I’ve ever known.”
“Okay…” Gillian looks confused. “I’m not understanding the problem here. You had sex. It was amazing. He was totally into you. And yet you look more miserable than before?”
“I think I messed up again or maybe he messed up this time. I don’t know exactly what happened.” I take a huge gulp of wine.
“So, explain it to me like I’m an idiot.” Gillian smiles.
I really am lucky that she’s my friend.
“So, we finished the…” I stumble for the right words.
“Really mind-blowing sex,” Gillian helpfully provides.
“Sure. We finish the really mind-blowing sex and when he goes to kiss me afterward, I flinched. Then I said something about needing to talk. I don’t know why I flinched. I wasn’t upset or regretting what we just did in any way. If anything, I was worried about how he was feeling about it all.”
“How did he take it?”
“He shut down completely. He said he was late for a meeting and he had to go. He looked at his watch like he’d been wasting time with me. I felt used, but in my heart I don’t think that’s what happened between us.”
The tears start gathering again.
I continue, “That’s not the Knox I remember. But I don’t really know Knox anymore. He could be a complete bastard for all I know and do this to women all the time. We’ve both changed since we were eighteen. Maybe this was a way for him to get back at me for leaving town all those years ago and making him look like a fool? I don’t know.”
I pick at the piece of pizza and take another sip of wine. I’m not hungry. I just want to go to bed and forget today ever happened. Maybe I should go back to Las Vegas and work in Liam’s office. Archer said I didn’t have to come with him here if I didn’t feel like I could do it and I would still have my same job there. I was just ready to come home.
“I can see you thinking about running back to Vegas.” Gillian’s narrows her eyes at me. “We may have not been besties for a long time, but I’d like to think we know each other very well with all the time I’ve spent bothering you at work. You won’t be any happier if you run. You’ll always be plagued by what if and what could have been.”
Gillian’s smile is a little sad when she adds, “Take it from someone who didn’t admit everything to the man she loves. It doesn’t feel good and sometimes it leads to lots of heartache.”
“Archer wasn’t going to let you go. He would have followed you anywhere.”
My boss has been head over heels for Gillian from the first moment he saw her and would have done anything for her.
The pizza turns cold in my hand. “Plus, Knox didn’t try to find me when I left. That’s evidence enough that this should all be left alone.”
We both sit there in silence for several minutes. I drink the rest of my glass of wine and start to pour another glass before I stop myself. Getting tipsy isn’t going to help me feel better.
