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Sending her a grin, I walk to my best friend. “Florian.” He halts his movements and looks at me, his brow raised in a silent question. “You came.”
He runs his fingers through his blond locks. “Well, you called me in the middle of the night informing me that I should haul my ass here.” He frowns at me. “What the fuck was so important that you dragged me out of bed this early?” He glances behind my back and waves at my family. “You even brought the kid! My godson deserves better.” Warmth slides through me at this as we still didn’t get the chance to make that title official, but Florian doesn’t care. To him, Braiden is also his, and he’s protective over him.
I understand.
In my mind, his unborn child is already my godchild and part of my family no matter what the Cortez dynasty wants to claim.
“Do you remember this place? We used to come here a lot as kids.”
“Yes. We stopped when Santiago got kidnapped, and my parents eventually sold the property.” He rubs his chin. “Aren’t we trespassing?”
“No.” I take out the keys from the pocket of my jeans and shake them. “I bought it a week ago.”
He whistles. “Congrats, and why? It’s far away from the city, and you hate swimming.”
“Because this place was my haven away from Wayne and my mother growing up. My only sanctuary, with my friends by my side.” He must think I’ve lost my mind for being this sentimental over some land. However, the more I thought about it…the more I wanted for my family to own it, so I bought it.
“I see,” he mutters, and his face darkens. “This reminds me about something. You don’t need to pick sides. The Cortez family is your family too. Padrino kept your empire for you all these years, and Santiago, he’s just angry with me, and their fury has merit. You don’t have to face it with me, though.” He chuckles, although it lacks any humor. “Each passing day, our friend becomes more vicious, and I don’t want him to turn on you too, because we both know when a Cortez gets hurt—”
“They retaliate,” I finish for him, and he nods. “So you want me to do, what?”
“Step away from the conflict. Choose what Remi chose. You’re not involved.”
“You’re offering me to stop being friends with you, Florian?” I clarify, needing to know all the facts before I react to his words.
“No. I’m saying if he spews bullshit, you don’t have to defend me. If I need to do something in order to get Jimena, you don’t have to help me. Choose the neutral position. I screwed up, but why should we both pay for my mistake?” His voice drops a few octaves. “It’s enough that my entire dynasty faces scrutiny with me.”
The wind whooshes over us, and I move closer to the lake, lifting my chin to the sun as countless flashbacks play on a loop in my head from my childhood.
The good, the bad, and the devastating flashbacks are a kaleidoscope of my life.
“Pamela has been calling me for the past two months,” I say, and Florian comes to me, a snarl escaping him at the mention of my mother. “She found therapy and begged me for a chance to explain.”
“Explain what? Her behavior?”
“She wants atonement and a new beginning with her children and grandchildren.” She never acted like a mother in her goddamn life and now expects to get all the benefits the title provides. “She thinks most of us have a selective memory like she does.”
Florian rolls his eyes. “Tell her to go to hell.” Disgust laces his tone, and I understand. If we have one thing in common compared to our other friends, our biological mothers are awful people whose indifference inflicted pain.
Everyone says to forgive and forget, but how can you do that?
We carry the scars forever, and they can’t be healed just because someone feels sorry. Because our younger selves still shy away in fear of being hurt.
My younger self would have loved to hear my mother’s reasons for behaving the way she did. So he could justify her and maybe…find a way to connect with her.
But the man in me?
He doesn’t need shit from that woman. I never understood her even before adopting Braiden, but after…
How can you watch your child being hurt and not do a thing? Stay silent? Stay cold?
So no, I don’t forgive or forget.
I do want to move on, though.
“Estella asked me if I crave some kind of closure to move on. After all, she’s my mother, isn’t she?” I cross my arms and turn to face Florian again. He watches me warily, a crease forming between his brows. “Maybe I’d see my past in a different light.”
“And is this what you want?” Judging by his voice, I know he’s against the idea. “To allow her back into your life because she’s sorry? Whatever she went through, Octavius, doesn’t excuse what she did. When you’re a parent, you don’t have the privilege to hide behind your traumas. Learn to love the child instead of hurting them like you were hurt.” He locks his hands on the back of his head. “I fucking hate her.”
