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“Linked how?” I asked, still battling with the curls around her face.
“Like with Misha. My dad said I’m helping him to hone his gift of being able to tell when something is or isn’t going to go right.”
“I completely believe that, especially after what happened at the ball and then Italy. I won’t make a serious decision without consulting him ever again. Although I’m still confused how he missed that day that you went to the piano gallery when they tried to grab you,” I said. My finger traced lightly down her face as she talked.
“I asked the same thing. He said no one saw it until it was almost too late. It was the first time my dad had to intervene, but then he said he really didn’t need to because Ivan had it covered.” She paused for a minute, then looked up at me. “That was a very important day for Ivan. He took my dad’s job. He officially became my protector.” She said it quietly, like she was almost scared to say it out loud.
“What does that mean?” I asked, now even more curious.
“Just like you and I are connected over many lifetimes, so are Ivan and I. My dad said we’ve spent many lifetimes together too.”
I thought for a minute. I could feel her eyes on me as I thought back to the first time I met Ivan. He saved me and Viktor, and got us into and out of a very difficult situation safely. I remember feeling like I had known Ivan for much longer than a couple of days when I offered him a job. In contrast, I waited a few weeks minimum, usually a few months, to offer a job to the rest of the guys. Even with not knowing everything about Ivan’s past, I still felt closer to Ivan more quickly than the other guys.
“The same way you and I have spent lifetimes together? Because I can tell you right now, this lifetime doesn’t involve sharing,” I said. I couldn’t help but smirk at her as I said it.
She laughed loudly. “Nooooo. No sharing. Not like that, you perv. I’m pretty sure Ivan has always been my protector in some way. My dad said he feels compelled to protect me. Ivan said that was true. Even before he knew I was different, he felt compelled to protect me.”
I wrapped my arms around her, smiling at her laughter. I leaned down and kissed her lips gently. “Okay, no sharing. We’ve all seen how much closer you and Ivan have become since the kidnapping attempt. I think Andrei might even be a little jealous of it sometimes, if I’m being honest.” I meant to make her laugh, but instead she looked troubled.
“He is?” she asked.
I nodded my head. “He liked being your favorite in the beginning. You know Andrei and Misha are the sensitive ones. It was a confidence boost for Andrei when you got close to him before anyone else. Now that you’re close with all of them, he doesn’t feel as special anymore.”
“How do you know this? Has he talked to you about it?” she asked. She was clearly worried about it.
I couldn’t help but smile at her. “No, solnishko. It’s not a problem for him either. I’ve just seen his face fall a few times when he thought you were coming to him and you went to one of the other guys instead.”
She looked lost in thought for a moment. I leaned on the counter so I could be at eye level with her, forcing her to look at me. “They all love you, Sephie. But they also know there’s one of you and five of them. They’re big boys. They’ll manage.”
“But I don’t want to cause problems. I did get close to Bubba first. He’s just so easy to talk to and trying to help him get with Tori probably helped me get closer to him too. I don’t want him to be sad about me being close to Ivan though. Ivan and I are bonded over trauma. I’m not sure that’s something to be jealous of,” she said, chewing on her bottom lip.
I chuckled, which made her look at me again. “This isn’t something you should worry about, love. But it illustrates my point from earlier perfectly. You’re worried about making Andrei sad when you’ve had quite possibly the most stressful week since I’ve known you and your brain is trying to find creative ways to help you silently cope, so you don’t feel like you’re burdening anyone else with your past. Andrei being a little jealous of your special relationship with Ivan should not be anywhere on your list of things to worry about right now.”
She looked down at her hands, which started to fidget again, as she continued to chew on her bottom lip. I put my hand under her chin, gently lifting it so she would look at me again. “Do you know why Ivan and I are different when we hear what’s happened to you, Sephie?” She shook her head no. “Because we know what real darkness is. We’ve been living in it for years. It doesn’t scare us like it does other people. I think that’s what you’re seeing reflected back to you on other people’s faces. They realize that you’ve survived something they couldn’t. That alone makes you stronger than most people you will meet in your life. That’s a scary realization for some people. They can’t handle knowing that you can walk among real monsters and survive.” I paused. “Not just survive. It’s clearly made you stronger, the same way it has for me as well as Ivan. I don’t know what happened to Ivan in his past, but I know it wasn’t good. He doesn’t know everything that happened to me in my past either, but it’s also not good. But we both recognize the look in each other. We’ve both seen it in you as well. It’s the look you get when you’ve stared evil in the face. It’s why your past doesn’t scare us. We can recognize that you’re a survivor, just like us.”
She was looking at me curiously, the way she would when we would tell her stories about our past. I took her arms and put them around my neck, pulling her to me so I could pick her up off the bathroom counter. I walked us back out to the couch, keeping her in my lap as I sat down. I continued my battle with the curls around her face as I continued. “I knew you were the one for me that first night, when I told you my name.” I felt that pull in my chest toward her when her wide smile stretched across her face. “That was before I knew everything you’d been through. Every single new thing I learn about you makes me love you more and confirms what I’ve always thought about you. You’re the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever met and I’m eternally grateful that you’re in my life. Ms. Jackson was right when she said you give me something I’ve never had before, but it’s so much more than she knows. You’ve brought balance back to my world. You’ve reminded me of the good, not only in me but in everyone you see.”
“Well, maybe not everyone everyone,” she said, grinning at me.
“Fair enough. Almost everyone you see,” I said. I brushed her hair back from her shoulders, leaving my hand on her neck, my thumb rubbing gently along her jawline. She leaned into my touch, closing her eyes for a moment. A single tear fell from her eye. I reached up and wiped it away with my thumb. She opened her eyes, looking at me. The tears that were threatening to fall were enough to make the colors of her eyes swirl in the low light.
“I needed you to remind me that I’m good.” She closed her eyes again, causing more tears to fall.
“Sephie…” I said, almost breathlessly. I was silent for a moment, trying to find the right words to say, but I kept my hand on her neck as she was still leaning into my hand. “That night that I compared you to a diamond and you said you would only compare yourself to a black diamond to match your soul? Remember that?” I asked. She nodded her head slightly, but didn’t open her eyes. The corners of her mouth were starting to curl in a smile as she thought about it. “I told Viktor and Ivan about that part of the conversation the next morning while you were still sleeping. I believe my exact words were ‘we all know she has the whitest soul of anybody ever, but it’s still funny.’”
She kept her eyes closed, but she had a small smile on her lips now. She thought for a moment, then opened her eyes. “I think you can have both,” she said.
“Both what?” I asked.
“Both white and black on your soul. Ivan does for sure. He saw it. We probably do too,” she said. She suddenly looked like she’d just solved a puzzle that had been perplexing her, but she immediately looked at me like she didn’t mean to say it out loud.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You don’t have to tell me, but I can’t deny I’m very curious to know how that happened.”
She chewed on her bottom lip, torn between wanting to tell me and not sure she should. She sighed, then whispered, “Whatever. You already know.” I laughed at her, which seemed to put her at ease. “When that truck hit us, I saw Ivan turn toward me. He was using his body to try and shield me, but I can clearly remember the look on his face. I could see the worry on his face when he looked at me, but then he was looking at something around me that I couldn’t see. The look on his face clearly changed to one of wonderment. The truck was pushing us into the parked cars on the side of the street. When we hit those cars, I shut my eyes. I think that’s when I hit my head. He was unconscious when I opened my eyes.” She paused again, not sure she should continue. She started to fidget with the buttons on my shirt again, focusing on that instead of looking at me as she continued. “My dad told me what Ivan saw. When I was with Ivan in his room that day that he broke down at the house and then I broke down later, he told me what he saw, after I assured him he wasn’t crazy.” She was still for a moment, then looked at me. “Ivan got his wings that day. My dad said he wrapped his wings around me right before the truck hit us, but when Ivan turned toward me, that was the moment that he got his and he saw them wrap around me and even my dad’s wings.” She dropped her gaze, chewing on her lip, not sure how I would take what she had just told me. As she was talking, I felt goosebumps rise over my entire body.
“But… How? He’s still here,” I asked.
She cut her eyes to me, grinning. “We both said the same thing. I still don’t fully understand it, but he’s not allowed to go anywhere now. My dad said he’s fully stepped into his role as my protector now that he proved he would give his life to protect me. He also said Ivan’s wings are way cooler than his. They’re white, but fade to black on the ends and apparently he’s the big guns, so he has red on the tips too.”
