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I didn’t have this. But I plastered a smile on my face anyway. It must’ve given him whatever he needed to feel okay because he padded toward the kitchen without another word. I drew in a deep breath and ignored the sadness ebbing up from inside me. Maybe if I had been present—if I wasn’t so afraid to open up the doors of my past—I could’ve done more than show up in the middle of the night to help.
Nope. I couldn’t focus on that. That path would hurt too much to go down—though, at this point, all the paths seemed to hurt. Passing Cade quietly, I made my way down the hall to the closed bedroom door.
“Raven?” I knocked softly. I could hear her crying on the other side. “Please, open the door.”
Nothing. Not even the slightest movement.
“I hear your fiancé has a multitude of axes I can use to cut through the door,” I tried. “But I’m not good with an ax, so I’m warning you, it’s going to be a mess.”
I was rewarded with the tiniest of wet laughs. I’d take it.
“I’m also good at climbing through windows,” I continued, leaning my head against the wood. “If you don’t open the door, I’ll have to break the window and climb in wearing a skirt. There’s no telling who might see what if I have to do that.”
“Good God,” Raven scoffed.
“Both are really messy options, and I’m not sure Declan is willing to give me an ax.” I glanced down the hall to where he stood watching me and keeping a close eye on Cade. Oh, good. He’d found something to eat, even if it was just a loaf of bread. “Do I have to start singing Frozen? I know all the words to Do You Wanna Build A Snowman. I have no shame in singing them until you open up the door.”
I had no shame in belting out Disney music if the situation called for it, but I had all the shame in the world for going against my father. My stomach ached. I shouldn’t have come—I knew that. I just needed to help, even if it cost me.
“I don’t know the lyrics,” she whispered.
“That’s okay. It’s a solo song anyway.”
“What if I hurt you?”
“You can certainly try,” I admitted. “But you’ll have your work cut out for you. I’m…”
I was what? Already broken beyond repair? All the damage had been done?
“I’m not going anywhere, Raven,” I reiterated instead. “Please, open the door.”
And then I kept my promise and just stood there. I meant what I’d said. I wasn’t going anywhere, even if it meant I stood there all night. The way I figured it, at some point she’d have to come out to use the bathroom.
“You’re not going to leave, are you?” Raven demanded almost thirty minutes later.
“No, but I am starting to consider breaking through your window,” I answered. No reply. I bit back a sigh. The window was starting to look like an option. I’d climbed through Killian’s window more times than I could count when he’d lived at home, but that wasn’t the same thing.
The lock clicked, but the door didn’t open. I still took the invitation and let myself in. Closing the door behind me, I joined her in the middle of the bed. As soon as I was comfortable, her head came to rest on my shoulder.
“Want to talk about it?” I asked her quietly.
“I hate…” her voice hitched in her throat. Her wolf. She hated her wolf. Yeah, I didn’t need to hear her say it out loud. We’d talked a lot about the situation. Even with the little things she was learning to love about her wolf, most of it she hated.
“I know,” I replied when she said nothing more.
Another sniffle tugged at my heart. I shifted enough to wrap my arms around her. There was no good way for me to fix this for her. She turned, burying her face in the curve of my neck.
“Why won’t you let Declan help?” Maybe that conversation would be easier to have.
“I can’t face him,” Raven said. “I can’t face either of them. I just… you saw what I did to Cade… and I almost did that to Declan.”
“It wasn’t you,” I reminded her gently.
“I wasn’t... not there,” she faltered. “I remember all of it, Ginny. I remember... what I did to them. I couldn’t stop… stop myself. I had… I had no control.”
A sob stuck in her chest, and my arms tightened around her.
“You know I was one of the only ones in my generation to have a first-shift incident.” I sighed. I didn’t have a good way to relate other than my pathetic first-shift story.
