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You got Lucas.
Declan got me.
Finn got Declan
Sam got you.
Lucas got Finn.
And I got Sam.
I’m going to steal one of Sam’s overall sets I think. And maybe a wrench or something. Wrenches are used on cars, right? To Google, I go.
We miss you. See you soon.
Nolan
Well, at least he didn’t sign off this one with his cats as well. I grinned as I read over the email one more time. Declan was actually going to the Fall Games. Fuck, I couldn’t remember the last time he participated in them. And the fucking cat picture? Fucking gold. I was saving that shit to make Declan’s contact picture. And Mom going on vacation? She deserved it. If anyone deserved a vacation away from Cedar Harbor, it was her.
Shit. I read through the email once more. This would be the last one—a wild fucking concept to me. Nolan had been emailing me weekly for three years to tell me everything going on. I never emailed back, he never asked me to, and yet, here we were. Somehow, his emails had become a lifeline while I was gone. They let me keep a part of home always, even though I couldn’t bring myself to return until I was ready.
At least, I thought I was fucking ready.
I sank down to the edge of the bed and stared at my shit.
My life fit in two medium suitcases, a carry-on bag, and one small box. Oh, and my guitar case. How fucking pathetic was that? Had I really been living off so little for three years? Shit, I was fairly certain I had more random crap on the floor of my Jeep than I had in that fucking box.
My eyes roamed over everything I owned. Yeah, definitely pathetic. Granted, the last time I’d set down roots and settled in, my whole world had been ripped to fucking shreds. There was something safe about just sticking with the basics and knowing I could leave at a moment’s notice. Maybe it didn’t work for everyone else in my life, but it worked for me.
“You know,” Roan began, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway, “you don’t have to go back. Dad said the house is yours as long as you want it. I think he’s a fan of the constant vacation.”
Didn’t blame him in the least for that.
“I have to,” I said. “At the very least, if I fucking fail, I have to look my pack in the eyes and tell them I fucking suck and they deserve better than the likes of me.”
“I think you’re underselling yourself,” he replied. “You’ve always had your pack’s best interests in mind.”
“No, I ran away with my tail between my legs and fucking left them,” I snapped. For as much shit as I’d been through, that was the harsh reality of that. My family loved me. They got it. But my pack? I’d fucking bailed on them without a fucking word. That shit haunted me.
Maybe I wasn’t meant to stay in Cedar Harbor. There was a very good chance of that. A real fucking good chance. But my pack deserved my honesty about my shortcomings. And so did my brothers. If I was going to let them down, I had to do it to their faces.
“You do you, man.” Roan sighed and stretched, rapping his fingers on the top of the doorframe. “Me? I don’t think you did a fucking thing wrong. There’s nothing wrong with doing you for a while. Fuck. Axel up and leaves whenever the hell he wants. We never make a big deal of it.”
I just stared at him. Me and Axel were nothing alike. For starters, Axel battled childhood cancer. Twice. And the second time damn near killed him. The kid could do whatever the fuck he wanted at this point, and no one would say a fucking word. Me? I fucking left my broken-hearted and hurting wife in the hospital, got drunk in a bar, and drove my ass to Roan’s house. I’d spent three years avoiding her and chasing fucking criminals around. Me and Axel weren’t on the same fucking boat. Ever.
“You guys ready to go?” I asked, changing the topic. Roan and I would always disagree on that topic. He’d been trying to justify my leaving for three years. My guilt wasn’t having that shit.
“Yeah, about that…” He clicked his tongue. That wasn’t good.
“What the fuck’s wrong?”
“So, you know how I’m asking Sawyer to step in while the three of us are gone?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. Sawyer Atwater was Roan’s best friend. The guy was about as damn near an Ironwood as he could get without actually being one. He was as involved with their pack’s well-being as the Ironwoods were. No questions asked.
“All he asked was that we do something for him,” Roan said. “Well, that I do something for him.”
A slow grin curled my lips. Poor fucking bastard. I knew exactly what he was about to say.
