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“It’s fine.” I waved him off. “I’m fine.”
“You’re overcompensating,” he said.
“I am not!”
“You are. All of this didn’t need to be done this morning. The shop didn’t need to be run. You could’ve taken the morning off for you.”
“I don’t need to focus on me,” I told him. I didn’t want to. Alone time not working meant thinking. Thinking led to thoughts of Killian. I didn’t want those thoughts. The more I had, the more I felt myself fracturing, and I refused to break. Not now. Not again. Not ever.
“Ginny,” Nolan began quietly as he reached over and closed the laptop. I pursed my lips together, but I refused to look at him. “I’d like to talk about how you’re doing.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Nolan.”
“Ginny, he’s coming back, and I’m worried about you,” he continued. Damn man, knowing better than he should have. My eyes burned, and I blinked back tears. I refused to cry. I wouldn’t. “After everything you went through, I can’t imagine what you’re thinking.”
“I told you while I was drunk—”
“But you did tell me,” Nolan interrupted. “And I think that’s important to remember, no matter what the circumstances. He’s coming back, Ginny, and all of that… it’s going to come up again.”
“It doesn’t have to,” I whispered.
“Do you believe that?” he asked. I wanted to. I closed my eyes, wishing I could tune him out and pretend none of this was happening. “Don’t hide on me, Ginny. Please.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not—”
“Please, just let me pretend I’m fine, Nolan,” I begged pathetically, my voice cracking. I inhaled sharply to push back the sob trying to claw its way out of my chest. “Let me be fine. Please. Nothing has to change.”
His chair scooted across the carpet, and his arms wrapped around my shoulders. I went willingly as he pulled me tight to his chest. My eyes squeezed shut, but that didn’t stop the silent tears.
I was a liar.
I lied to him.
I lied to myself.
There was no way Killian could come home and nothing would change. Just the thought of being around him threatened to blow open all the little boxes I’d shoved memories into as a way to survive.
I didn’t know if I could handle what would happen when I lost control of them. I’d drown. I’d drown in all the memories and emotions. And I didn’t know how I’d survive them.
Chapter 35
Killian
If you fuck up my girl, I swear to fuck, I’ll hurt you,” I growled. Okay, not my best fucking threat, but that didn’t make it any less valid. I never trusted anyone with my girl. She was mine, I was the only one to touch her, and she went everywhere with me.
Unfortunately, Declan was less than impressed. He rolled his eyes while he checked the straps one last time. My bike sat in the bed of his truck, tied down and ready for the trip back to Cedar Harbor.
“You don’t scare me, Killian,” Declan commented. “Throw a donut your way and everything’s fine.”
Fucking asshole. Accurate asshole but still an asshole.
“Think we can stop by the Waverly’s for cider donuts on our way in?” I asked. Who cared if I ate a few dozen donuts on my way into town? I fucking deserved them. The dread that ebbed and gnawed its way through me was all-consuming. The fact that I’d pulled out all the stops trying to stall this morning wasn’t helping.
Going back to Cedar Harbor permanently had me up in arms. My jeep was packed, my bike was squared away, and my heart was a fucking racehorse in my chest. Even my wolf was a raging mess. It had me so all over the place that I’d damn near forgotten to take my medication this morning, and then almost fucking left it behind. That would’ve been a fucking disaster.
Fuck, it wasn’t seeing Genevieve that had me worked up—even with deciding to win her back.
