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And I didn’t know how much I would fucking love slapping the title fiancée on her. Rationally, I knew it was fake. But those butterflies in my middle? They seemed to be having their own engagement party. With champagne. The expensive kind.
Not yet. But someday. I promised myself.
I just had to convince her I was worthy. But before I could do that, I had to make sure she was healthy and safe.
Anxious to get eyes on her, I pushed open the door.
6
Jess
Journal entry: Four years ago…
I refuse to write Dear Diary at the beginning of this because it makes me feel cheesy and like I’m talking to someone who doesn’t even exist. Maybe that’s the point, though. To pour out all my guts on a piece of paper where no one can judge me. God knows everyone else does. This world is filled with judgmental assholes, and it makes me feel weak. But I’m not weak. I’m a strong, independent woman, and I will prove to everyone they underestimated me. That I’m worth more than they think.
So I’m writing this out for my future self. So she can come back here and read these words and see how far she’s come. Also, so I don’t forget.
To be honest, I don’t feel so strong right now. I overheard them. People who were nice to my face. Who smiled and cooed over my talent and how it had won me a scholarship to their precious private school.
All this time, it was fake. And the worst thing about it is that I didn’t know it until it was too late. Until they had the power to hurt me. They fooled me with their phony smiles and congratulations. All the times I sat at the dinner table and ate their food, smiling over peas and carrots like I belonged. I thought I did.
Until I heard them.
I’d gone up to the bathroom. Not one of the ones on the first floor either. No, I went up to his personal bathroom. To his private space. It smelled so much like him in there, his presence everywhere even when he wasn’t in the room. Every time I took a breath, it was like having a piece of him inside me. Is that weird? Who cares if it is? I’m talking to myself.
I took my time, even if I was excited to sit in the passenger seat, covertly watching the way he handled his fancy car. Honestly, it wouldn’t even matter if it wasn’t fancy. I’d stare no matter what he was driving. I’d get in any car with him.
I must have lingered too long. Maybe they assumed the keys in his hand were there because he’d just gotten home from dropping me off. I’d gotten good at walking quietly down the massive marble staircase. Or maybe the raised voices in the dining room covered up the light taps my footsteps made.
“Be realistic, son. Think about your future. We’ve worked hard to give you every advantage. Why would you want to go and saddle yourself with… dead weight?”
“She’s a good person. The best person.”
I couldn’t even feel warm from that defense because the offense hurt so much there was no room for anything else.
“She is a nice girl. But nice isn’t good enough. We have expectations. As should you. If you want to be friends, that’s fine. But it can never be more. Stringing her along would be cruel, and girls like her are clingers. Maybe not now but soon. She’ll realize that you’re her meal ticket to a better life. You need an equal, and she is beneath you.”
Shock turned me to stone. Or maybe it was their harsh words. But I stood there like I’d just looked into Medusa’s eyes, turning concrete and forever frozen in that moment in time.
What a shitty place to get stuck. Shitty. Shitty. Shitty.
And then a door at the top of the steps closed, jarring me out of the shock and throwing me into horror. I had to escape. Get away.
Unclenching my fist from around the wrought iron stair rail, I stomped down the remaining stairs, moving like the uncouth ogre they clearly thought I was.
I thought they liked me.
How could I be so wrong?
I hollered loudly, using the dumb nickname because he hated it.
A stunned silence permeated the entire massive house. It was broken almost instantly by scraping chair legs.
“Oh, Jessica, dear. We thought you left,” his mother said. The same woman who’d just served me cheesecake with a smile.
Liar.
“We’re going now,” I said, wanting to stare at her head on but unable to lift my eyes. “Thank you for dinner. It was very nice of you to let me stay.”
