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“Fuck you, P,” he muttered.
I laughed.
“Of course I am!” he burst out.
See? He was much more forthcoming with his inner thoughts than I was.
“I’m always the one who’s there for you.”
I nodded. “You’re my ride-or-die.”
“Then why’d you sneak out of the room this morning? Why did you avoid me yesterday?”
I scrubbed a hand down my face and stood. “Because I’m freaking out, okay? It’s a lot. I’m trying to process it all. Being in jail made me realize I’m just one disaster away from how I used to be. Maybe my control isn’t what I thought. Maybe I’m not learning to handle it any better. Maybe I’m just fooling myself.”
“Damn, P—” He started, but I cut him off to keep going.
“And Arsen? He saw it all. He watched me crack under pressure. I had to trust him that night. I was more scared of myself in that moment than I was of him. How fucked up is that? To trust a stranger more than yourself. It’s a slap in the face. I know he’s not for me. No one is, but he…”
“All right.” Kruger shoved off the bench and came at me, locking his arms around my back and forcing me into a hug.
I didn’t hug him back. I left my arms at my sides and stared unseeing over his shoulder.
“That’s good. You don’t have to say anything else. I’m sorry I was hard on you when I shouldn’t have been.”
“Finish what you were saying.”
The new voice had my eyes widening and body stiffening. Kruger also went rigid, pulling back from me to spin.
Arsen stepped around the lockers, filling up the end of the row we were occupying. His hands were at his sides, his posture relaxed, but his eyes were glittering.
“Arsen,” I said. “I didn’t hear you come in.” Oh my God. How much of that did he hear?
“What the fuck, bro?” Kruger intoned. “This is an A-B conversation, so C your way out of it.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
The intensity of Arsen’s stare was like a vortex drawing me in, so strong I had no hope of pulling away. “You were going to say something else about me.” He spoke. “But you didn’t finish. Finish that sentence now.”
I shook my head. How was I supposed to even think when he was standing there looking at me like that? Kruger cracked open my emotional vault with our stupid bro code, and then Arsen just helped himself.
“This is the second time,” I said to no one really but myself. “The second time you’ve seen me cracked open, seen stuff I don’t want anyone to see.”
“I’m not looking away, Matthew,” he intoned. “Now finish the fucking sentence.”
“Oh hells no. You don’t talk to my bro like that.” Kruger charged him, but instead of backing away, Arsen bulldozed him into the lockers. The entire row shuddered under Kruger’s weight and Arsen’s aggression.
“You talk too much,” Arsen told Kruger. “And right now, this conversation is between me and Matthew. Your voice is unnecessary.”
Kruger seemed to swell with the audacity he embodied in spades, and the next thing I knew, Arsen was flying across the row, slamming into the lockers behind him.
I rushed forward, moving to the end of the bench so I could stand between them. “Stop!” I said, looking at Kruger.
“You’re protecting him?” he asked, surprised.
“I’m protecting myself.”
