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If only I knew what was happening outside. Darragh gave me no instructions, other than to hide.
I’ve been hiding for almost three years. Look where it got me? Sure, I have this wonderful baby and a man I love with a daughter I adore, but all those people I love are in danger.
I consider if I should leave the room and get Sophie’s meds, race through the house for them, put my life on the line to save her. She’s in danger because of me.
If I was gone…
Dark thoughts trigger the sadness I’ve been pushing away.
I hid from Darragh that I’m experiencing some post-partum symptoms. It all could be the stress of my very real danger that I had a baby with a man who might want me dead.
And now Russian mercenaries showed up here to…
To what?
I’m slipping into that gloomy abyss, wracked with guilt.
For Sophie and J.P.’s sake, I calm myself down, as I’ve done this past week.
She seems fine and my son is asleep in the swaddle of blankets on the floor. But I can’t relax fully without her EpiPen handy, especially when I think she’s had a minor exposure.
I kneel down next to her to test how she’s feeling. Get her to talk so I can assess her breathing.
“Sophie, you’re so good with J.P. He’s lucky to have you as a cousin. You’re really like a big sister.”
Looking stressed, she says, “What if Uncle Cormac wants to be the daddy?”
“I’m sorry, Sophie.” I’m shocked she’d ask that. “He doesn’t. We talked about it. It’s okay.”
I don’t know what Darragh plans to tell his daughter about Cormac’s troubles. I’d rather leave a neutral opinion of her father’s twin in her innocent brain. He’s the only close family member she has.
“Your daddy wants us to live with you permanently. He wants to be J.P.’s daddy. That’s great, isn’t it?”
“Do you love my daddy?” Her voice gets low.
“We love each other. We fell in love during the month I was here. Your father wants us to be a family. All four of us.”
She wrinkles her nose. “Does he still love me?”
I hold my chest. “Oh, sweetie, of course. He’ll always love you. And you will always come first.”
“Okay.” She smiles down at the baby. “He is so cute and sweet.”
I sigh, relieved that conversation didn’t spiral into something that would trigger a panic attack for her.
“Hey, remember how he kicked in my belly when you touched me?”
“Yeah…”
“He knew even then you were special.” I stroke her loose braid that she now loves to wear. It makes me think of Katya. “You’re special to me, too, you know? I’m sorry your daddy and I didn’t tell you the truth. We didn’t want to upset you.”
“It’s okay.” She shrugs then smiles at me. “Can I tell my friends at school I have a baby brother?”
School… I worry our life won’t be the same on the other side of this day.
“Sure,” I answer because I’m guessing she’ll be in a new school by Monday.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
