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God I made so many mistakes. I was just an idiot. If I could take anything back it wouldn’t be the moment I dropped Nate at his doorstep. It was that moment, when I got scared and broke up with him. Because it seemed easier. Because that moment was the catalyst for everything.
“You know the worst part? Despite hearing all that, I was still in love with you. Like a fucking idiot I thought we could make it work. And then you disappeared and I didn’t hear from you for months.”
My breathing’s a little shallow. Xander’s breathing heavily, he’s staring at me like he’s waiting for something, anything.
“You hesitated,” I finally say, my voice soft.
He cocks his head to the side in confusion. “What?”
“I heard your conversation with your father. The day the truth about me came out. He asked you to follow him and I was so worried, I followed you both, staying outside the door as he spoke to you. He asked you to choose. Between me and your family, your position in your family’s company. And you hesitated. I didn’t want to be the reason you lost everything,” I say softly.
I watch as his eyes grow wide, as he remembers.
“Did you hear what I said after?” he bites out.
I close my eyes and nod. “You said you choose them both and that you wouldn’t let him stop you from going after you wanted.”
“Exactly!” he snaps. “I chose you regardless of it all. I would have gone to you. I had just found out you lied to me for the entirety of our relationship and yet I wasn’t going to abandon you. But you did it to me. Why?”
“I’m a horrible person-”
“That’s not what I fucking want to hear,” he cuts in angrily. “Did you know? That you were pregnant when you broke up with me?”
I shake my head. “No, God no.”
If I had known then none of this would have happened. I would have stayed with him. The pregnancy would have given me a reason to stay.
“I didn’t find out I was pregnant until weeks later,” I tell him.
“Alright, fine,” he says exhaling softly. “But when you found out, why didn’t you come back?”
“I couldn’t,” I say, floundering for something better to say. “It was too late by then.”
“Why was it too late?” he asks.
I don’t reply.
“Dammit, Katerina!”
I flinch at his tone and he groans, looking away. My eyes well up with tears.
“I can’t say it. Please don’t make me say it. It doesn’t matter. Not right now. I just, I’m tired of hiding. I miss my son so badly that I can’t breathe sometimes. I can’t keep living with the knowledge that he’s still alive and I have no way of reaching him. I just want to see my son,” I say, a tear sliding down my cheek.
His eyes narrow onto it and lets out a deep sigh.
“I’m going to go now,” Xander says.
“Xander.”
“I need to think about all this. I’ll let you see him,” he says and I let out a breath of relief. “Not now but soon. I just need to figure out how to do this. What I want to do.”
“Okay,” I say nodding eagerly. “Thank you, Xander.”
He doesn’t say anything else. His eyes meet mine once more, alight with a heart stopping intensity. And then he’s walking towards his car.
I breathe in shakily, trying to calm myself. I’m about to walk into the hotel and change before calling Rico to come and pick me up.
I gather my dress in my hands and turn towards the entrance. But then someone practically melts out of the shadows and out of the dark. My heart falls to a stop as Rico appears, pushing off the wall. I nearly scream.
