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Xander’s so still, I’m not sure he’s even breathing. My heart is pounding so loud I can feel it in my ears. I still remember how I felt that morning. I was lying in bed, Maxim a few feet away, speaking to the doctor. That fucking doctor who didn’t have the decency to tell me in private. Maybe if he had, things wouldn’t have gone so wrong.
“I didn’t believe it at first. I asked to be left alone. It took a lot of fighting but I was allowed to leave on my own. I left the house and went to buy a pregnancy test. When it came out positive, I went to a hospital and asked for a scan, which is where I was told how far along I was.”
A muscle jumps in Xander’s jaw.
“How far?” he asks slowly.
“Seven weeks. Nate’s yours, Xander. He could never be anything else but your son,” I say softly. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
He exhales, “Continue.”
“When I returned to the Sokolov’s, Maxim was ecstatic. I arrived to find him telling his father the ‘good news’, I was pregnant and carrying his child. I was shocked he would have thought that. I pulled him aside and tried to explain. I reminded him that we used a condom the night we slept together, then I tried to tell him how far along I was but he wouldn’t listen. Which is when the monster started to come out. He got angry and questioned why I was trying to keep him away from his baby. I tried to leave the house but he wouldn’t let me. He dragged me and locked me in his room.”
Even now, I can’t help but shiver at the thought of the days I spent there. He wouldn’t let me out despite how much I screamed and pleaded for him to do so. He wouldn’t listen to reason. It was terrifying. I hadn’t realized until that moment, who he really was.
“I managed to escape though,” I say in an undertone, unwilling to revisit how terrified I was locked in that room. “One of his men helped me and as I soon as I got out, I ran. As far away from the Sokolov’s as I could. But I also had another problem. I couldn’t go back home.”
“Why the hell not?” Xander bursts out. “You should have come home immediately. You should have come to me!”
My eyes fall close. “Maybe. But in that moment all I could think was that I was 19 and pregnant and I had no doubt just ruined my father’s relationship with his business partner. The Sokolov’s were out to get me but more than that, one thing was clear, if my father found out about the baby, he might have killed me.”
Xander’s eyes meet mine. “You could have come to me,” he repeats.
“It wasn’t that simple! How was I supposed to get out of Moscow? The moment I went to an airport, the Sokolov’s would know. If I managed to leave the city, then my father would know as soon as I arrived in New York. I was stuck between a fucking rock and a hard place. Literally, neither of those options seemed reasonable.”
“You preferred staying a city with psychopath than going home and facing your father?”
“Xander, I was pregnant. It’s different for women in the outfit. We’re not treated the same way. Sure, my father is different. He raised us to be strong, powerful. But he was also an Italian Don that would have seen a premarital pregnancy as an insult, a slight to his reputation. Sophia was literally forced to marry her husband because of that. And I’m so glad that my sister was already in love with the man she had to marry but back then I was in a completely different position. Your father practically kicked me out of your life, I broke up with you, ended our relationship after keeping my identity a secret. And then there was Sokolov to contend with. It was such a mess.”
“So what did you do?”
“I had to stay in Russia. I informed my father of the situation but I lied and told him the Sokolov’s were intent on killing me because of a misunderstanding. He wanted to come immediately and get me out but that would have led to a lot of bloodshed and a war we would have lost. We didn’t have that much power in Russia. I convinced him that I would be fine hiding out in the country. Only for a couple of months, while the Sokolov’s calmed down. Just for everything to settle down. And in the meantime I would also help him build alliances while I was there. I told him I could go undercover, do some underground work, and dig out information on the inner workings of the Bratva in Moscow. In the end, I managed to convince him that it was in our family’s best interests for me to remain there. Which is how I was able to hide my pregnancy. I stayed in Moscow for eight months. I gave birth to Nate there. And as soon as he was born, I found a way to leave.”
“The psychopath just let you go?” Xander asks gruffly.
I shake my head. “No, till the moment I left he was still intent on chasing me down. I was lucky to escape honestly. As soon as I arrived in the U.S, I went to D.C, to your house. I couldn’t take Nate home. If I did, who knows what my Papa might have done to him. So I left him and then I returned home and acted like nothing happened. A month or so after I left Moscow there was news that the Sokolov’s had been involved in some kind of shootout. Both Sergey and Maxim were dead and I was so glad. I thought it was all behind me.”
“You thought?” he grits out.
“He’s not dead,” I say quietly. “I only just found out recently. Maxim survived somehow and now he’s in control of his family’s business. He’s still alive.”
“Fucking fantastic,” Xander swears, getting to his feet. He runs an agitated hand through his hair. I can only stare up at him warily. “You’re telling me there’s a criminal psychopath out there somewhere who actually thinks Nate is his son and could come knocking down your door at any moment.”
“It’s been nine years,” I say, daring to hope. “If he hasn’t come here in nine years then he won’t be coming now.”
“That’s sounds like wishful thinking, Katerina. Things like this just don’t go away, fuck!” he yells.
Then he looks upstairs, worried that Nate might hear. He lets out a breath, looking at me.
“That was one hell of a story, Katerina,” he says in an even voice. “I’m not even sure where to begin to unpack that.”
I stay silent, unsure what he wants me to say. Xander looks away from me, staring at a point far away.
“At least it all makes sense now. Your motivations. But I still think you should have come to me.”
He’s angry. And he has every right to be angry.
“I’m sorry, Xander. I did what I thought was best.”
