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“Can I get a hug?” I ask quietly.
He nods and I shift forward enveloping his smaller frame. He holds me close and I take it all in. His smell, the way he feels, wanting to imprint it in my head forever. I love him so much. And I want to tell him, but baby steps. We’ll get there.
He lets go and leaves the room to go and play with his robots after I promise him one last time that I’m coming back. I finish packing my clothes, staring at the room and wishing I could just stay there. It’s been a form of sanctuary these past two nights. A sanctuary I don’t want to leave. But I have to.
When I exit the room, Xander’s leaning against the pillar on the other side of the door, face expressionless even as I appear.
“Hey,” I say quietly.
“You’re leaving?”
“Yes. Rico’s picking me up in ten minutes.”
“Good, so we have ten minutes to talk,” Xander states to my relief.
“Okay,” I say carefully. “I was wondering if you would want to before I left.”
He stares at me, green eyes shuttered. I hate when he gets like this, cold, distant. I can’t tell what he’s thinking when he does. I wait patiently for him to speak.
“What happened yesterday was a mistake, Katerina. We both know that.”
I’d be lying if I said his words didn’t sting. But it’s nothing more than I thought. What I expected. Of course it was a mistake.
“It shouldn’t have happened,” I tell him.
“Our situation is already complicated enough and we can’t allow things like that to get in the middle of whatever progress we hope to achieve. Plus, we have Nate to think about. He’s the priority, not whatever this is between us,” he says in an undertone.
“Nate’s more important,” I say nodding.
“So we’re in agreement? The kiss never happened and we’re both just going to forget it,” he says earnestly.
I want to tell him that he’s being delusional and that’s not how things like this work. But I let him have it. I think he needs it to have some peace of mind.
“The kiss never happened. Honestly I don’t know what you’re talking about. Our lips have never even met, hell, I’m pretty sure Nate was conceived divinely or something.”
Like I hoped, his lips twitch and his expression lightens. He finally smiles.
“Very funny, princess,” he says dryly. “But seriously, I want you in my life. As Nate’s mother. I want us to be able to build a relationship that benefits him. So friends?” he asks, stretching his hand forward.
I nod, reaching towards him and placing my hand in his. It fits, perfectly, like he was always meant to hold it. I know he can feel it to. I notice the tensing in his shoulders, but he lets me go and it all dissipates.
“I think we’ll be great friends,” I tell him, lying through my teeth.
He nods, seemingly relieved. “Come on, let’s go wait for that cousin of yours to arrive. I’d like to meet him.”
“Okay, but just a warning, Rico’s not your biggest fan.”
He chuckles. “Yeah? We’ll see.”
There was a time I was terrified of my father. He’s never once in my twenty nine years of existence laid his hands on me. Has never physically abused me. In fact he loved me as best as he could. Both me and my sister.
Despite him never hitting me, there has never been any doubt in my mind that my father could be a monster if he wanted to. He scared me for several reasons. Because he didn’t try hard enough to shield us from the dark parts of our world, especially after the passing of our mother. I was also scared because I didn’t want to disappoint him. Most of all, I was scared because my father sometimes reminds me of a chameleon. Always shifting and changing his colors. I’ve only ever known one, and I worry sometimes that he’ll take off the cloak, and show me the parts of him that strike fear into the hearts of the men of the outfit.
Those feelings while still valid, are not as strong as they once were before. They faded the minute I became Don. When I finally got what I’ve wanted all this time. What I deserved. It’s also why I can walk with my head held high into our home. He might have had power in the past, but he conceded it all to me.
“Papa,” I call as I walk into the room that has a pool table in the middle of him.
Several of my capos lounge around. Seated, standing in the corners. Their expressions turn hungry as soon as I walk through the door, like they’re desperate to watch me fall. My father’s in the middle, surrounded by them. He gets to his feet as I walk in, brown eyes filled with rage.
