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He nods once but his expression is still hard. I wish i could have trusted him then. But even if I had, I would have still hidden Nate. Because if I had returned home with my son, Sokolov would have heard. And he would have come for us without a doubt.
“When do we get to meet him?” my uncle questions. “Your boy.”
I offer them a soft smile. “I can’t give you an answer yet, Zio. But you will. I promise.”
My father huffs out a breath. “Am I allowed to leave now?” he questions.
“Of course, Papa.”
He walks out of the room without a backward glance. My uncle follows but he stops to rest a hand on my shoulder on the way out.
“Your father will come around, mia cara. Just be patient.”
“Thank you, Zio.”
He leaves as well, leaving me and Rico alone.
“What now?” my cousin asks from beside me
“Now, we get revenge.”
CHAPTER 20
Xander
Ithink there are three defining moments in my life. When I was five years old and my parents were going through a divorce and soon after my father had a new wife and I had a new brother I was meant to hate but couldn’t figure out why. My mom filled my head with all these ideas of Graham and my step mother before I even met them. She would always tell me that they were sheep and I was a wolf that had to destroy them. When I met Graham though, it didn’t really make sense, because he was just a little boy. A little boy like me. But I was also a little boy and all I knew was my parents weren’t together anymore and his mother was responsible.
The second defining moment was probably the first time I met Katerina. Before her I was just a regular college guy that enjoyed partying hard, indulging in every vice I could manage in order to forget the fact that my home life was shit and I hadn’t seen my mother in years prior to that time. The first time I saw her, I think a part of me knew she was special, because I felt drawn to her in a way I’ve never been drawn to anyone in my life. She probably doesn’t know this. But she saved me in a way. Helped to temper the anger I felt, I managed to find something to wake up for everyday that didn’t involve my family’s expectations and my need to be better in my father’s eyes.
But the most important moment, the one really served as a turning moment was when I went from a 22 year old about to get started on his life. One who had just managed to convince his father to give him autonomy and a chance to find his own way in his family’s company, to someone with a baby and no clue how to raise him. After Nate arrived, everything changed. I had to move back into my family home. My stepmother was instrumental in the change. I’m not sure what I would have done without her. I
I’m a very different man now that I was then. Some would say I matured, but I also think that sometimes life is all about providing opportunities that test who you are as a person. And when you come out on the other side, you’re better from it. A version of yourself that manages to heal you. I didn’t realize until I had my son, just how broken I really was. I thought I was okay but the truth is I was far from it, but my son helped me get better.
And now everything I do is for him. Which is why I can’t want Katerina. Because wanting her is inherently selfish. And when it comes to my son, I can’t be selfish.
Mikalay comes to stand in front of me later that night, peering at my face. I arch an eyebrow before placing the can of beer in my hand on the counter.
“Can I help you?” I ask my sister.
She crosses her arms over her chest and I can tell from the expression on her face that I’m not going to be a fan of what she has to say. Mikayla’s never serious.
“You know I really look up to you right? I mean you and Gray are both my elder brothers but you’re the responsible one,” she states.
I smirk, “I like where this is going, continue.”
“And yet, despite you being the responsible one, you can be such a dumbass sometimes big brother.”
My lips turn down into a frown, “I’m not liking it anymore.”
“You’re in love with her,” Mikayla says bluntly, brown eyes fixed on my face.
My chest tightens. “No, I’m not,” I deny slowly.
“What happened last night?” she questions and I’m about to tell her to mind her damn business when she interjects.
“Come on, Xan. Level with me. If we’re being honest, I’m the only person in our family you can talk to. The only person period, considering you have no friends and no social life.”
I make a face. “Is this an interrogation or you taking a shot at me?”
