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“It can be both,” she says earnestly. Then her expression turns soft. “Come on. Talk to me.”
I sigh. Nate’s already in bed. Despite the boisterousness of the city below, the house is quiet, serene and soothing. I should have been asleep but considering I have a lot to think about, I decided to stay up and have a can of beer alone. But I guess those plans are out the window.
Plus, Mikayla’s not wrong. She actually is the only person I can talk to.
“We kissed last night,” I finally say. Her eyes start to brighten but my next words effectively turn down her excitement. “It was an accident. And it’s never happening again.”
Mikayla frowns. “Why not?” she asks. “I don’t know if you know this, big brother, but I remember when you were dating her. I was only a teenager but I watched you come home happier for the first time in a long time. Before you even brought her home, I noticed how you would talk to her. It was like you were alive for the first time ever and I loved seeing that.”
My jaw clenches. “I was young and in love, Mikayla, it happens. You would know, considering you’re in love with someone new every other month.”
Her eyes narrow. “Don’t be mean,” she states. “But you’re right. I have issues. I’m constantly seeking approval from men because I need to feel a kind of love that’s completely different from the one my father supposedly showered on me since I was young. A love that feels free, without constraints or bounds.”
I stare at her for a couple of seconds, completely impressed. “How’d you figure that out?”
“My therapist told me,” she says proudly and I snicker.
“Right.”
“The thing is Xander, despite everything, I’m better off. Graham is better off as well, even if he’s too much of an idiot to see how lucky he is. We both have our mother, she stuck by us. I know how hard it’s being for her living with our father for so long but she held out because she loved us. But you didn’t have that growing up, you didn’t have your mother, all you had was dad.”
My fists clench. “This isn’t a therapy session, Mikayla. I don’t need you laying out all my issues.”
“Sure but we need to tackle the root of your issues. The love of your life left you and it hurts. She betrayed you and it fucking hurt. But she’s back now. And I think this is the universe giving you a second chance at happiness.”
That makes me chuckle. “You want me to try for a second chance at happiness? With Katerina Mincetti? Kay, I love you but you’re being naïve if you think that’s possible. She doesn’t even know what happiness is. She’s like a robot programmed only to feel things like loyalty to her family, honor. We were together for almost a year and she was never able to tell me she loved me. We’re both..” I falter before speaking again. “We’re both messed up, Mikayla. We’re both fucking messed up. And yeah maybe she was my light once, but she left me even worse off than she found me when she left. I might act like I’m okay but that’s because I’ve learnt to suck it up and suck it all in for Nate. I know you mean well, little sister. But I don’t think we should be together. I don’t think we can be together.”
“But you love her,” Mikayla says assertively, eyes daring me to counter her.
“That’s not the fucking point!” I say, my voice rising. “What I feel for her doesn’t matter. We’ll ruin each other. Do you get that? She has the ability to ruin me and I think I could ruin her too. I don’t want to do that. Especially not now when she just got her son back. Do I care about her? Of course, I’ll always fucking care about her. Which is why I know staying away is the best thing for both of us.”
“You’re being delusional,” my sister states. “You and the woman have a child together. From what I gather, you’re letting her back into Nate’s life and yours by extension. Which means she’ll be around. Like it or not, she will be in your life, in your space, in your axis. The two of you kissed yesterday, I’m sure you tried to fight it but you couldn’t. You two can’t simply be friends or whatever idea of relationship you have in your mind, Xander. It’s not going to work out.”
“I’m going to fucking try to make it work out,” I grit out.
My sister lets out a soft sigh. “Just think about everything I’ve said, big brother. Ruminate on my wonderful words of advice. I’ve been told that they can be life changing.”
I roll my eyes at the sudden change in her tone. She steps towards me, rising to her toes to kiss my cheek.
“Dad has asked me to return to the hotel we’re staying at tomorrow. We’re sticking around in New York but of course he needs to make sure my leash is tighter now that we’re here,” she mutters. Before she leaves she fixes me with another hard look. “You have a chance to break the cycle, Xan, take it. And yeah, I know she’s Katerina Mincetti. But you’re Alexander Steele and you’re exactly the kind of man a woman like her needs. You’re also a certified genius when it comes to computers. You can change her programming.”
With those words, she walks out, leaving me with a head even more jumbled than when she walked in. I groan softly under my breath, wondering why life has to fucking suck.
Unfortunately, things aren’t much better the next day. In fact my day starts out pretty horribly because I get a phone call from an unfamiliar number starting with the country code for France. My stomach practically sink to its depths at the sight. I don’t know anyone in France. But I do know someone who could be there. My worst thoughts were confirmed to be true when I pick up the call.
“Alexnader,” she says, voice feminine with a Southern lilt and a sharp cadence.
I should have picked up the damn call.
“Mother,” I grumble. “Fancy hearing from you today. Did the sun rise up from the West over in whatever city you’ve undoubtedly found yourself in this time around?”
“Cut the sass. I’m in Paris. And you’re in trouble,” she snaps. “I just heard about everything that’s going on. Apparently the entire country knows about your son’s parentage.”
The way she says it, like it’s something slimy and wrong gets on my nerve. Thankfully, it’s not the last one.
“Yes. A story was released that Katerina Mincetti is Nate’s mother.”
She gasps, voice filled with horror. “Oh my God. So everyone knows his mother is a criminal?”
