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He leaves me to my misery. The entire house smells like Gwendolyn. The cookies she baked the other day are still sitting on the counter. The apron she wore is hanging on the chair in the kitchen. I walk into the bedroom, and the clothes I made her pack and bring over to stay with me are sitting in my drawer. The nightie she wore last night is lying on her pillow.
I decide a shower is what I need, that is until I walk in and all her girl stuff is sitting on the counter, and the memory of making love to her in the shower tortures me further, reminding me of her soft silky skin. The hitches in her breath when she gets excited and the way she clings, her nails scraping down my back when she moans my name… It’s all too much. I go to the only place Gwen hasn’t been.
The basement has been my workout room since I bought this place. Before I even started renovating the upstairs, I had the punching bag installed and all the other equipment I need to stay in shape. I’ve always hated going to the gym.
I spend the next two hours punching and kicking the bag until I’m drenched and so wiped out that I can barely make it back up the stairs. I should clean up, but I can’t bring myself to go back to my room, and settle for the spare bathroom instead.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop thinking of Gwen. I’m doing this for her. I’ve got to let her go. It’s got to be over, for her sake.
TWENTY-TWO
You’ve Got till Noon
MASON
As I sit outside Caleb’s house in my car, I wait for him to pull his head out of his ass and make his move. It’s been hours since his boys left, and still nothing. Alex looked ready to murder him, and Damian wasn’t far behind. Zeke was completely caught off guard by Caleb’s behavior and doesn’t know what to make of it. I guess he’s never seen him come off the rails. It’s a hard thing to see your mentor fall off the pedestal, but in the end, it’s a good lesson for Zeke. No man is everything, and that’s why we need to surround ourselves with good men to keep us honest. A friend who will tell it like it is, encourage you when you need it, and kick your ass if you continue down the wrong road.
I know Alex was ready to kick his ass, and from the call I got from Damian, he’s tried to reason with him. The only problem is, no one understands why he’s pushing Gwendolyn away. But I do. I get it because I’ve done the exact same thing and have been regretting the decision all this time. It might be too late for me, but Caleb can still make this right.
It’s time to have a heart-to-heart with him. I get out of my car and make my way around to the back of the house. Caleb’s normally a cautious guy, but his door’s unlocked, and I slip in. I take a seat on a leather chair and wait for him to wake up. Even in his sleep, he looks uneasy.
I got time. I’ll wait it out.
It’s nearly two hours later before Caleb jerks awake out of what must have been a disturbing dream. He sits up suddenly and sees me sitting in his chair in the dark.
“What the fuck? You scared the shit out of me. What the hell are you doing here?” He rakes a hand through his hair and shakes off the sleepy haze.
“Came to see how you’re doing and to talk some sense into you,” I state.
“So now we’re buds, is that it?” Caleb says sarcastically.
“Don’t be a dick.” I lean forward, elbows to knees, and eye him carefully. I see him and what he’s desperately trying to hide. “Has Damian ever told you how close we are?”
“Yeah.”
“You might think you know, but I doubt it. When the kid showed up at the barracks the first time, he was unprepared for what military life was all about, but he learned fast. One of the best damn soldiers I ever met, next to the men I call my brothers. Thing about Damian was that he needed to talk. He needed to get it all out. He missed you all, and he would tell anyone who would listen about his family back home,” I begin.
“What’s this got to do with me?” Caleb barks.
“Shut up and listen. You might learn something yourself.” Caleb gives me a brooding glare, but remains quiet. “He told me all about his big brother Caleb. ‘We’re not blood,’ he’d say, ‘but he’s my brother in every way.’ Damian told me all about how Alex’s family died and how he and Alex fell apart. Not you, though. You held them together. You didn’t cry, but you gave them a shoulder to cry on.” I give Caleb a second to reflect before going on.
“When he came home, it was the right decision for him. He was ready to join the force, and there you were again. You helped him train and study, and you had his back. He sent a letter the day his father died. Kevin’s death hit him hard, and his mother. He wrote and said that you stood right beside him that day and have been standing by his side ever since. He figured it was because his dad was gone and you were filling in. I’m not even sure that Damian realized what he wrote, but he went on to say that you never shed a tear at the funeral or any time after that he knew of.”
“So, I’m an asshole because I didn’t cry?” Caleb asks.
“Nah, that’s not it. You’re wound up tight, and you’ve got everyone convinced that you’re impenetrable, but you and I know that’s bullshit. You’re fucking scared.” I lay it on him. Caleb raises his head, but doesn’t reply. “You’ve been holding it together all this time. You’re the fixer, keeping Alex on track at school, making sure Damian was okay, keeping the officers in your care as safe as you can. Then all of a sudden, a green-eyed angel comes floating into your life, and you’re losing control. Not only that, but the job you hold also comes with danger.” I can see I’m hitting the right nerve. Caleb’s eyes narrow and his jaw clenches.
“What do you know about it?” he grits out.
“Do you honestly think you’re the only one who’s ever gone through this?” I don’t even bother waiting for a reply. “The career you chose saves lives. What you do matters, but it’s only one part of you. Your nightmare came true when a criminal from your past came back to get revenge. Gwendolyn got caught in the cross fire. But you did what you had to do and protected her.”
“He got to her. How is that protecting her?” he shouts.
“She can walk across the street tomorrow and get hit by a car. She could be at the bottom of her bathtub because she slipped and fell and is bleeding out. A thief could be breaking into her house now and holding her at knifepoint. You can’t be everywhere at once, and if shit’s going to happen, it’ll happen whether you’re there or not.”
“But this was directly because of me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. This happened because a man fucked up his own life and wouldn’t own it. It could have been you or any other cop that day and it would have had the same result,” I reply. He’s conflicted and wrestling with his conscience. “Was it your fault Kevin died or that Alex’s parents were killed?” He raises his eyes to mine. “I remember Damian telling me that when Chloe was taken and he was shot, you wouldn’t leave them until you were convinced they were safe. I also heard that you lost your mind when you found out what Sabrina’s ex did to her. Then there’s the whole situation with Jasmine, that you took control of. You and your brothers kept them safe. Don’t you trust them to help keep Gwen safe?”
