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He couldn’t wait.
23
Snowflakes danced outside the window of Jesse’s mansion, a stark contrast to the warmth enveloping Roman as he trudged into the living room. He was exhausted after a night of lying awake, all kinds of horror scenarios running through his head, followed by nightmares in which Roman had done everything he could, but those he loved had still died. His parents. Wander. Caleb. He’d woken up terrified, the realization that they’d been mere dreams only coming slowly.
“You look like shit,” his brother said. “Bad night?”
With a deep sigh, Roman settled on the couch across from Wander. “The worst.”
“Nightmares?”
“Never-ending ones, and everyone died.”
Wander winced. “I hate those. You wake up more tired than when you went to bed.”
“No kidding.”
Wander leaned forward. “Is it that bad feeling you had?”
“I don’t know, man. I wish I did, but I can’t tell if it’s because I’m so concerned for Caleb or because I genuinely have some kind of premonition.”
“You’re in love with him, yeah?”
What was the use of denying it? “Yeah, very much so. And yes, you’re allowed to laugh.”
Wander grinned. “Why would I laugh? I’m happy for you, Ro. He’s just as crazy about you as you are about him. I could say I knew this would happen when I set you two up, but I honestly had no clue you’d connect this way. But it’s beautiful to see.”
“You don’t think I’m too old for him?”
Wander shrugged. “That’s not for me to decide. That’s Caleb’s choice, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give a fuck.”
“He told me he likes older men.”
“There ya go. Ryan and Alex have a similar age gap, by the way, and those two are so happy it annoys the fuck out of everyone else.”
Roman chuckled. “Which Ryan takes great pleasure in, I’m sure.”
“That he does. But it’s hard to be upset with him when it’s so easy to see how happy Alex makes him. He’s like this little ray of sunshine that brought light to Ryan’s darkness.”
“Just like Caleb did with me.”
Wander cocked his head. “With you, it wasn’t so much darkness. It was more emptiness, loneliness. He brought life.”
His brother had seen so much more than Roman had realized. “You hit the nail on the head with that one.” And since they were on the topic of Caleb, he might as well come clean about his plans. “I’m meeting Mark in a few minutes, and I’m gonna ask him to train me. Caleb spoke of him highly, so I asked Jesse for his number.”
Wander widened his eyes. “That’s a big step, Ro. I’m impressed. You’re doing that for Caleb?”
Even if Roman hadn’t recognized the trick question, he still would’ve answered with the truth. “No, I’m doing this for me. I owe it to myself to discover this part of myself…and to become the Dom Caleb needs.”
“Great answer. I know you didn’t ask for it, but you have my blessing.”
Roman smiled. “No, I didn’t ask for it, but it means a lot to me, so thank you. I hope to make you proud.”
“You always have, so there’s no reason to expect any different now.”
The doorbell rang. “That will be Mark.” Roman rose from the couch. “I’ll see you later?”
