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Leaning over, I wrapped my arms around her shoulder and inhaled her familiar vanilla rose scent.
“It’s all right, I’m just glad you’re here now,” I whispered into her ear.
“There’s nowhere else we’d rather be,” she insisted as we rejoined the rest of the family and I was passed around for hugs.
Enzo was last and I tucked an arm around his back and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“Thank you for doing this for me.” I told him, watching as his dark eyes grew bright and he nodded.
“Anything for you, Ciara, you know that.”
I did, especially now.
“Could we maybe take this party out of the rain?” Nash asked as he tugged Birdy’s raincoat hood more firmly over her head.
Leith held up a bouquet of flowers, reminding me of the second thing that I wanted to do today before the wake. “Did you still want to do the thing you were talking about earlier?”
I did, especially now that Brynn and Aurelia were here.
The rest of the family waited on one side of the bridge as Aurelia, Brynn and I walked to the center.
“I never came here,” Aurelia murmured softly over her shoulder at me as I pushed her. “The dads refused and I never had the courage to do it on my own.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Brynn asked worriedly as we approached the middle. She had the least memories of the day our moms died, but I could still tell she was agitated as we turned in the spot where the car had gone over the side.
The guard rail was still scarred fifteen years later and I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it or if I could still pick out bits of paint from where the rental car had hit it.
“I don’t want to do this,” I told her as we stood staring over the edge at the river that, even today, ran at a fast clip below. “But I think we need to.”
Separating the bouquet that Leith had bought into three, I handed each of them a part of it.
Sucking in a deep breath, I finally told them why I wanted to come here.
“I’ve always felt guilty for what happened here.”
Aurelia opened her mouth—probably to comfort me and tell me that it wasn’t my fault—but I didn’t let her speak.
“Just let me finish,” I said, gripping the stems of the white lilies a little bit tighter. “It was my fault that they were even driving on the bridge that day and I think the guilt has been eating me alive for fifteen years. But I can’t let it. Not anymore. I can’t repeat the cycle again for this little one’s sake and for their sake too.” Glancing down to the end of the bridge where my pack was still standing, I sucked in a deep breath. “So, I’m letting it go here, where it all started.”
Cupping my belly I dropped my flowers over the edge of the bridge and watched them plop into the water below before the current took them.
Brynn’s sniffle was quiet as she stared at her own flowers. “I feel bad that I don’t remember them as well as you two do. Hazy, happy memories are all I have of my mom. But I’m glad that I got to grow up with you two. Where else would someone get two built-in best friends and sisters all wrapped up into one?”
Brynn leaned over the edge and dropped her flowers in.
Aurelia was last and looked the least like she wanted to say anything, her blue eyes bright with tears.
“Aurie?” I bent over so I could see her face more clearly.
Aurelia turned to me, her chin wobbling. “If I do this, it really means saying goodbye, doesn’t it?”
“I don’t see it that way.” I shrugged, but slipped my fingers into hers anyway. “But you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“No—” she hurried to say. “I want to. It’s just hard. I spent so long angry at my mom because nothing I ever did seemed to be good enough… and then she was gone and I looked for the next person to make me feel that same way and we all know how that ended.”
“With you having children who love you and a pack that would walk through fire for you?” Brynn asked dryly, making Aurelia give her a watery smile.
“Yes, that. But I do think you are right, for the sake of the ones that we love I think it’s time to move on.” Aurelia glanced down at her swollen belly. “Especially because this little girl deserves a mom who thinks she can do anything.”
