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“You really don’t get it, do you?” I ask, turning my entire body towards his. I pause for him to respond, but I’m met with silence. “Elliott, for half a second I was so excited. I thought that proposal was for me, and then to find out that it was intended for another table?” I shake my head. “That was so embarrassing.”
“So, let me get this straight.” He turns to look at me. “You’re mad at me for a mistake that the waiter made?”
I huff, louder than I probably should have. “No, Elliott. I’m not mad at you over what he accidentally did. It’s that I’m disappointed. I’ve been waiting for three years for you to propose to me and for a second, I thought it was happening tonight. For a second, I was so excited and then completely heartbroken.”
He doesn’t respond, and that hurts even more.
“Elliott. I hate even having this conversation, but I can’t just skate around it anymore.” I swallow hard and with every bit of courage I have left, I ask him. “Are you ever going to propose to me?”
He quickly hits his blinker and turns into our driveway. After a smooth stop, he puts his Tesla in park and turns to face me. Sadness is all over his face. “Tyler…” he whispers. “I don’t see myself ever getting married.”
Instantly, I feel sick to my stomach and I regret starting this conversation at all. I feel tears building in my eyes once again. “Did I do something wrong?” I ask between sniffles.
He grabs my hand and pulls it towards him. “It’s nothing to do with you, Tyler.” He relaxes into his seat, almost as though this has been weighing on his shoulders for ages. “I just don’t think I’m the kind of guy that gets married and has kids.”
I take another deep breath. “What about me?” I ask quietly, staring down at my hands.
“Tyler…” He lets out a small chuckle. “Nothing has changed for me. I still love you and I’m not going anywhere. I just don’t think we need a piece of paper to tell people we are in a relationship.”
My brow furrows. “So, you want to be with me, but you don’t want to marry me?”
“Exactly.” He responds with a shrug, as though I’ve been acting like an idiot for no reason.
I wring my hands together. “So, that’s that, huh? You don’t want to get married and you don’t want a family, so suddenly that means that I can’t have those either?”
He sits in silence.
“Do I really not get a say in any of this?”
More silence fills the car. I shake my head, trying to decide where to go from here. I think I already know the answer, but I’m too tired to fight anymore.
Chapter 9
I wake up in the late afternoon and pour myself a cup of coffee before settling into the couch with a throw blanket. Elliott left me a note on the fridge that he went to the gym and for that, I am so thankful. The last thing I need right now is to restart last night’s conversation. After we came inside, I crawled straight into bed and by the time he was out of the shower; I was busy pretending to be asleep. It wasn’t long before his breathing steadied and I was safe from having to continue our conversation. I laid in bed awake, replaying our conversation in my head repeatedly until I finally fell asleep sometime around three this morning. Per usual, all the late night thinking and worrying did nothing for me. I’m still just as sad and angry as I was last night when I got out of his car and I highly doubt I’ll be over it soon.
What I need is an honest sounding board that will tell me the truth, even if I don’t want to hear it. I grab my phone and fire off a text to Avery.
Tyler: Hey. Is this a good time to call?
Avery: Sure! I just got Juliet down for a morning nap.
I immediately hit the call command and Avery answers on the first ring.
“Hey. What’s going on over there?” She asks. “It must be some type of emergency if you want to talk on the phone.”
I nod, as if she can see me. She’s right. She knows me all too well. I hate talking on the phone. Mostly, I blame it on the fact that I’ve been traumatized by working in customer service for years. You can only get screamed at over the phone so many times, for things that you have no control over, before you just start avoiding phone calls all together. This is part of the reason I do customer service via chat and email now.
“I need life coaching.” I sigh.
“Well, I’m covered in spit up. My hair is in a rat’s nest and I slept for a grand total of 27 minutes last night, so I think you have come to the right place.” She replies, in an attempt to sound as reassuring as possible.
“Perfect.” I laugh, trying to lighten my mood. I spend the next several minutes recounting my experience from yesterday morning. Afterwards, I finish with a deep breath and stare at the wall above the television while I brace myself for Avery to respond.
“That sounds horrific.” She finally agrees.
“That’s just the tip.” I admit, working up the nerve to fill her in on Elliott’s startling confession from last night.
“That’s what she said.” She mutters in a low voice.
