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As much as I want to giggle at her stupid joke, I can’t. I don’t have even a bit of humor left inside of me anymore.
“Nothing?” She asks, sounding playfully annoyed. “I get nothing for that? That was a classic.”
I moan, still unsure that I want to hash this out right now. “I don’t know how to lead into this, so I’m just going to say it. Last night Elliott told me he has no desire for children or marriage. Not now, not ever.” As the word ever leaves my lips, I feel a tear gently rolling down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away as though I am attempting to hide it from someone.
“Wait, what?” She pauses for a second. “I thought you guys were on the same page about this stuff?”
I sigh. “I don’t know. I guess he changed his mind, or maybe I just assumed that I knew what he wanted. Regardless, he doesn’t now.”
“What about you? Has your mind changed?”
“No.” I answer quickly. “I still want nothing more than to have a baby of my own and a husband. Not a live-in boyfriend until I die. What does he expect? For us to be sixty years old, introducing each other at the golf club as each other’s girlfriend and boyfriend?” I sigh, sinking deeper into the couch.
“And he decided now was the time to spring this on you because….” She drags on. “Because you weren’t already hurt enough after losing your grandma, so he decided to make it worse?”
Ouch. She’s not wrong, though. His timing was less than stellar, but I admit I brought it on myself.
“Well.” I wince at the looming confession. “I started it. My mom got inside my head this weekend. She called and was asking me when we were going to finally get married. I decided she was right and that I needed to talk to him. But, I was afraid to ask, until last night. There was a proposal at the restaurant we were eating at.”
“Oof.” Avery breathes out.
“Girl, you have no idea.” I moan, remembering the night before. “The server accidentally gave me the dessert plate with the proposal written on it. I thought it was for me. Elliott went white as a ghost and almost died in front of me before telling the server he was at the wrong table. I was so hurt I ran to the bathroom stall crying.”
Avery’s breath hitches. “Oh, Ty…”
“Yep.” I continue. “And as you can probably imagine, it just kind of imploded from there. I asked why he hasn’t proposed to me and he told me exactly why.” I sigh. “Now I kind of wish I could go back to being ignorant about the whole thing, to be honest.”
“That’s understandable.” Avery agrees. “And it was also fair for you to ask him. It sucks that this whole situation had to happen in order for you to do it, but you deserve to know where you stand.”
“I guess so.” I sigh. “But now I just feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.”
“Well, what are you going to do now?” She asks, gently.
I reposition myself on the sofa. “Well, I was actually hoping you would make that decision for me.” I mutter.
Avery laughs. “Not a chance, sister. But I will give you my unfiltered opinion if that’s what you would like.”
“Please.”
“All your life, you have dreamed of being a mom. You’re amazing with kids. You have the patience of a saint. You know what it’s like to have a crappy relationship with your own mom, so you know exactly the type of parent you want to be. If you stay with Elliott, then you have to accept the fact that you will never have that. Is that another dream you are willing to just throw away? You’ve already given up on your bookstore. Are you willing to give up on having a family, too?”
I sigh, quietly, but don’t respond.
She continues. “In my opinion, Elliott is fine, but he is not the love of your life. If you stay with him, then you are doing nothing more than settling. I think if you settle, you are going to look back on your life in 5 years and regret it.”
I frown and wipe the tears from my eyes. She’s right. I hate it, but she’s right.
“I’m just saying,” Avery continues. “I think there is a guy out there that will move mountains for you and that will love you the way you deserve to be loved. A man that would die to wife you up and have babies with you. Please don’t settle for good enough.”
I wipe my eyes again. The tears are flowing quickly now. “What if you’re wrong? What if this is as good as it gets?” I sigh.
“Tyler, you need to be honest with yourself. What you have now isn’t even good. That man will never give you the life you want.” Avery pauses for a beat. “There is better out there, but you will never see that if you don’t make a move. There’s only one way to find it.”
“Avery, I don’t even know where to go from here…. literally. I don’t have anywhere else to live. It’s going to take months to find a decent apartment to move into.” I reason. I can’t stomach the idea of living with him as a roommate for months while I try to find somewhere else to go.
“Come home.” She pleads, sounding hopeful. “You work remotely so you can work from anywhere. You could stay with your parents until you find a place to rent. Hell, you could even sleep on my couch.”
I groan. “Avery, I don’t want to move back home. I’ve worked so hard to distance myself from that town and from my parents. I can’t move back now.”
