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“I suppose so.” Avery shrugs.
Once the little dancers finish their routine, we clap and get to work at picking up our mess. I don’t know what I’m more excited about, to get home and get back to work on my house? Or to spend the rest of the weekend possibly running into my neighbor.
Chapter 16
I step into the house and close the door behind me. This weekend has been exhausting, but also more fun than I’ve had in a long time. It’s been nice to spend time with Avery, like we used to when we were kids. I love how low maintenance our friendship is. Some weeks we talk every day, sometimes we go weeks without talking, just sending Tiktoks back and forth. But when we do finally connect, it’s like we don’t skip a beat. We just fall into our regular groove like no time has passed. It’s nice to have a friend close by. This is the friendship I was missing in the city.
Ugh, Oklahoma City. I’ve sat down a few times this week and scrolled through apartments, but it’s been unsuccessful. The only places that I can afford to live are in the more sketchy parts of town. I may love living in the city, but my small-town girl heart knows that feeling safe is a priority of mine. I can’t live just anywhere, especially if I’m living alone. Wherever I go next has to be just right.
The last few days, I’ve stayed busy moving from room to room decluttering and sorting, all while in between working, of course. Piles of yard sale items, and the clothes that I still never finished digging through, have officially taken the guest bedroom over. I’m sure the city workers are already tired of the amount of trash I piled in and all around my trash can. I just feel like I’m drowning in stuff. It’s almost like I’m paralyzed by the amount of crap around me. But Avery and I decided to go through with the garage sale next week, and that means I have to get things ready in the next 6 days. My only choice is to get to work.
I work for hours and before I know it, I’m out of energy. While the guest room is still full, it’s at least organized and ready for our sale. I slowly drag myself to the living room and collapse onto the couch. The living room is basically empty of clutter and ready to paint, and that scene practically gives me whiplash after spending the day in the guest room. Suddenly, it doesn’t feel like Hazel’s house anymore. It feels like a blank slate. I thought this was exactly what I needed and I know it’s what I need in order to move forward with my plan. However, for the first time since I’ve started this project, it really hits me she’s gone.
I hate that she isn’t here. She won’t see me get married, if I ever do. She won’t meet my babies or ever hold them. There are so many memories I wanted to make with her, and I hate that we ran out of time. I hate that I’m blaming myself for not being here and I hate that I can’t get that time back.
I look around again. This isn’t even her house anymore. It’s an empty, neutral shell of what once was my safe place. This is the place where I felt loved and wanted. Where I knew there would be cookies waiting for me after school and a puzzle for us to work on while we watched Wheel of Fortune and Golden Girls. This house is more ingrained into my soul and more a part of me than I had ever realized it was. With this realization, I finally break and have the cry I’ve been needing. The cry I expected at the funeral. This is the cry I needed when I stuck out like a sore thumb with my city friends and the cry I needed when Elliott and I split up. This is the cry I thought I got last night at the concert. In reality, last night was just when I broke the seal.
Every shitty thing that’s happened in the past week has been resting on my shoulders, but now the dam is open. I don’t see it stopping soon. The only thing left to do is lay down on the couch, cover up with a blanket, and cry myself to sleep.
* * *
What feels like hours later, I wake up to the sound of knocking. I open my eyes and glare at the door, trying to will it to become see through so I can tell who is standing on the other side.
As if the visitor reads my mind, they call out “Tyler? Are you in there?”
The voice is vaguely familiar. Andrew? Why would he be here?
“Be right there!” I yell out before rolling myself off the couch. I pause in front of the mirror hanging on the wall and assess myself. My eyes are still a little red, but I’ve definitely seen worse. I can only imagine how bad they were before my nap.
I stand on my tiptoes to check the peephole, and there stands Andrew with a pizza box and a six-pack of beer in hand.
“Hey.” I say, opening the door, eyeing him suspiciously. “What’s up?”
“I just went to grab some pizza and well…have you eaten yet?” He asks, almost sounding nervous.
“I have not.” The savory scent of the pizza meets my nose and my stomach growls audibly.
“Sounds like I was just in time.” He says with a grin, pushing past me into the house.
“Sure, come on in.” I say, following his lead to take a seat on the living room floor.
By the time I sit next to him, he already has the pizza box open.
“Beer?”
“Uh.. sure.”
He opens a bottle for me and passes it over before handing me a slice of pizza on a napkin.
“Thank you.” I say with a crooked smile.
He takes a drink of his beer and then leans his back on the couch while he takes in the room. “This looks a lot different from when I was last here.”
I scrunch my nose. “When were you here?”
“When I removed your pet snake.”
“Oh, yeah.” I say, my face turning red. “For about half a second, I was concerned that you’ve been sneaking into my house when I’m sleeping.”
