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I lie back against the headboard of Meghan’s bed. Cain is sleeping against my chest, and Meghan is taking a shower. She’s been amazing. These last few weeks, I’ve seen a huge change in her. Cain, or CJ, as we’ve been calling him, is a chilled baby, and the bond they have is tight. My parents have been helping her, and I think that’s a huge weight off Meg’s mind. I don’t know if the guilt of our decisions will ever go away completely, but we’re slowly moving forward. And that’s why I’ve decided to move on.
Meg steps into the room and smiles at the sight before her. “Cute,” she mutters.
“I’m gonna hit the road in the morning,” I announce, and she bites on her lower lip. “You have my parents back on side, and they’ll help with the kids.”
“Have you told Ruby?”
I shake my head. Since returning, she’s avoided me, and I’m happy with that. Dad seems to think she’s moved on to another brother and that’s fine also. I hurt her and I was a coward. I want her to move forward and meet a man who’ll take care of her the way she deserves. “I’ll call and check in with you. If you want me to.”
She nods. “Are you going back to London? To Raven?” We’ve spent countless nights talking about Raven and mistakes I’ve made. I shake my head again. “Why?”
“You know why. I hurt her. She deserves better.”
“For goodness’ sake, Mac, stop punishing yourself. If Raven loves you as much as I think she does, she’ll forgive you. Your head must have been all over, thinking I was pregnant with your kid, and then Ruby turning up like that. She’ll understand.”
“I need a fresh start.”
“You said she was sick when you left. You thought she might be pregnant. Shouldn’t you go back and find out?”
I kiss Cain on the head. Since being at the birth, the thought of Raven having my kid warms my cold fucking heart. The thought of filling her with my babies is the best feeling in the world. “She said it was down to stress. Anyway, she’d call me if she was.”
“Would she? After everything?”
I let that seed of doubt sit in my mind. Raven never spoke of wanting kids. Would she keep my baby now that I’ve moved away? She’d mentioned abortion already.
* * *
It’s almost ten when I get back to my bedroom. I stare at Raven’s name on my phone for a good minute before calling her number. I’m about to give up when it connects. “Hello?” It’s a man’s voice, and for a second, I don’t know what to say. Maybe she’s moved on.
“Is Raven around?” I eventually ask.
“Nope.”
“Vinn, what the hell are you doing?” comes Raven’s voice. There’s a rustling sound and she comes to the phone. “Hello?”
“It’s Mac,” I say, feeling like an idiot. “Vinn,” I repeat with an unamused laugh.
“It’s not like that,” she says.
“You said that once before to me, turned out it was exactly like that. Isn’t he getting married in a couple of days?”
“Mac, it’s really not like that, but I don’t have to explain myself to you. Why are you calling?”
“Never mind. It wasn’t important.” I disconnect.
My mobile begins ringing, and Raven’s name flashes up. I reconnect. “How dare you hang up on me? I am not fucking Vinn. In fact, I was really proud of myself tonight because I realised that I’m over him. So, don’t you dare call me up for no reason and make me feel like shit.”
“Raven, I—”
“No,” she yells. “You can’t keep popping in and out of my life. If you call me, it should be for a reason. Don’t get my hopes up and then disconnect.” She groans. “I’m making an idiot of myself. I have to go.”
“No, Raven, pl—” It’s too late. She cancels the call.
I pull the rucksack from under my bed and begin packing up my clothes. If I turn up in person, there’s no way she can hang up on me.
* * *
I waited for morning before setting off to London. I had to say goodbye to my parents and Meghan. When I left before, it was under a cloud, but this time, it felt less black and heavy.
