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“Even better,” he whispers in my ear while grabbing my wrists and pulling them behind my back.
I don’t know how long I lie on the bed after they’ve left, but it’s only when I hear Ivy crying that I come back into my own body and push myself to stand on shaking legs. I take my dressing gown from the floor and pull it on, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and immediately looking away in disgust.
I swipe an angry tear away and go into the living room. Ivy is kicking her legs and screeching, so I instinctively pick her up and hold her to me. Her mouth roots around, trying to find a source of food, and I shudder. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the feel of those men from my body and I haven’t showered, so I head to the kitchen and get out a bottle. She squawks louder, getting impatient as I scoop formula into the bottle and add boiling water.
“Shhh,” I hush, gently rubbing her back while her mouth furiously roots around my shoulder. My breasts begin to leak milk and it forces more tears from my eyes. “Please,” I whisper, “just give me a second.”
Once I’ve given the formula a shake, I run the bottle under the cold tap, praying for it to cool quickly while sobbing harder at Ivy’s screams.
It’s almost midnight when there’s a knock on the front door. I freeze, wondering if Nate’s brought more friends around, which he does often when he can’t pay for his weed. My mobile alerts me to a text message.
Grizz: I’m outside, let me in.
I frown before going to the door and opening it enough for me to peek out. I stare at him, and he stares back at me. “Well,” he says impatiently, “let me in.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no? Let me in, Fable.”
“Luna. My name is Luna.”
He shrugs. “Okay, Luna, let me in. It’s fucking cold.”
“Why are you here?”
“I told you already, Pres’s orders. I went to Zen and Thalia said you called in sick.”
“And I told you I don’t want a babysitter. Go and watch over someone else.” I try to close the door in his face, but he gets his foot in and it bounces back. “Fuck, Grizz, go home.”
He gets his shoulder in and then begins to push the door until I can’t hold it any longer, so I give up and move, letting it slam back against the wall. He gives a satisfied smirk and steps inside, closing it behind him. “Are you sick?”
“No, but in case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve just had a baby and I didn’t feel like fucking tonight, so if that’s why you’re here, piss off.”
He raises his eyebrows, and for a second, I wonder if he’ll yell. The bikers can get pissed if you take the wrong tone with them. Instead, he eyes me with concern, and somehow, that feels worse, so I go into the living room to break the moment.
He follows, leaning his shoulder against the door frame. “I just thought I’d check on you, make sure you’re okay.”
“As you can see, I’m fine.”
He takes a step inside the room. “I think I preferred it when you didn’t speak,” he says cautiously.
“And I preferred it when Axel wasn’t so nosey. Why is he really sending you guys out to check up on us?”
“I told you, Lexi came up with it. They want us to be a happy family.”
“I have a family. I don’t need another.”
Ivy begins to cry from the bedroom, and we both turn our heads in that direction. “Fuck,” I mutter. I only put her down half an hour ago, but she’s been unsettled all day.
“You want me to get her?” asks Grizz.
I scowl. “No, just leave.”
I go to the kitchen to get another bottle ready. A minute passes before Grizz appears holding Ivy. He’s gently stroking her tiny head, and I marvel at how much smaller she looks cradled in his large hands. I give my head a shake. “I told you to go.”
I begin running the bottle under cold water. “You made the switch,” he comments, and it makes me want to cry again. I’m not ready for bottle feeding and neither is she.
“Yeah,” I say, my voice almost a whisper. I turn my back fully in case my tears fall.
