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I nod, and he leans over the table, kissing me on the cheek. “Amazing.” I feel disappointed it’s just on the cheek, even though I’ve been keeping him at arm’s length. He’s been so kind lately, it’s hard to remember why I’m guarding my heart from him.
Eighteen
GRIZZ
She looks so happy, and it makes my heart swell. I want so badly to kiss her, I’ve felt the need more than once and had to restrain myself. She’s not ready, and I have to respect that, especially after the way I’ve treated her.
By the time we get back to the clubhouse, Duchess has laid out a few sandwiches and cakes, and everyone is gathered in the bar for the wake. I know Luna didn’t want a fuss—her mum certainly didn’t deserve one—but this is about Lu and making sure she knows we’re all here for her. The second we walk in, she’s enveloped in hugs from the women. I step away, allowing them space, and head over to where Axel sits with Coop.
“She good?” Axel asks.
I give a nod, unable to keep my eyes off her. “She’s agreed to stay at The Bar.”
“Thank fuck,” he says, slapping me on the back. “Business is booming.”
“So, why do you look so fucking cut-up?” Coop asks.
I shrug. “I’m happy she’ll be around longer.”
“But you want her to wear your kutte and stick around for you rather than The Bar?” he guesses.
I sit on the stool between them, still watching Luna as she speaks with London and Lexi. “I fucked up so much, she’s never gonna forgive me.”
“She will,” Coop reassures me. “Just keep showing her your support and it’ll flow naturally.”
“I don’t deserve it, Coop. I’ll never be good enough for her.”
“You’re damn right there,” he agrees, smirking. “But you’ll get her anyway cos pricks like you always come out on top.” He nudges his shoulder against mine in jest. “Seriously, VP, she’s gonna come around. Just give her time.”
I see the wary look on Luna’s face and I know she’s exhausted. So, I head over and rescue her from Lexi, grabbing her hand and hauling her to her feet. “Bed,” I order.
“Yours or hers?” teases Lexi.
“Oh, we’re not . . . it’s not like that,” says Luna, blushing.
“But Grizz wishes it was,” adds London, winking.
“We’re friends,” says Luna, glancing at me for backup.
I don’t bother to reply. Her friend-zoning me in front of the women only cements what I thought—she’s still not ready.
I lead her upstairs, but instead of going up to her room, I head towards the room I’ve been sleeping in with Ivy. The room she used to occupy before I was a complete prick. “What’s going on?” she asks as I push the door open and gently guide her inside. I linger in the doorway, still holding onto her hand.
“You should be in here with her,” I whisper so as not to wake Ivy. “This is your room, yours and Ivy’s.”
She frowns. “I thought I wasn’t allow?—”
“I’ve been a dickhead, Lu. I’ve been so consumed with anger.” I sigh, dropping her hand. “You’re a good mum, and you’ve always been a good mum. I was letting my past control my head. You’re nothing like my mum.”
She stares down at the ground. “Now I’m earning a living the way you think I should,” she mutters. She raises her head and her eyes are full of hurt. “Being a good mum is providing for your child. I was always doing that, just not in a way you accepted.”
I give a nod. “I was out of order.”
“And I know I messed up. I hold my hands up. But it wasn’t because I was a bad mum. It was because I was trying too hard to be good. Sometimes we get it wrong, and I got it wrong, but I always tried, and in my opinion, parenting is fifty percent practise and fifty percent failure. She didn’t come with a handbook, and I totally wing it every day, but so do other parents, not just the ones who work in unconventional jobs. I want to forgive you, Grizz, but I’m not sure I can. And I don’t know how I feel about this sudden turnaround because you’re finally not ashamed to be seen with me.”
“I was never ashamed,” I argue.
“You didn’t look at me then the way you look at me now. I still had sex with all those people,” she says, and I look away. “That will never change. And the words you said to Axel, about you not being able to get past that, is what’s holding us back. I can’t change my past. I will always be that club whore, and worst of all, I’ll never forget what you said about me.”
