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Now I’ve got this gut punch feeling that I’ve turned my back on Mila.
That feeling makes me no better than Ward himself.
What if I don’t give a fuck about Mila’s rules?
What if I don’t give a fuck about her relationship status?
As far as I can see, the status is on full display right now.
She’s alone. And I don’t care what she tells her friends or even herself, she does not want to be alone.
At that point… she might as well just be with me, right?
38
MILA
It’s not cold outside at all, but I’m shivering.
I’m not scared to be here. I understand the idea of a funeral and what it means.
That doesn’t mean my heart isn’t twisted up.
I’m sure you’re sick of hearing every perspective of a funeral. I would be too.
What if I told you my heart isn’t twisted up over the funeral? What if I told you I’m not thinking about the funeral at all?
I feel terrible for Mac.
But what if I’m in line and I’m actually secretly extremely greedy right now?
Because the only thing on my mind?
Jax.
I’ve looked at him more than a few times.
He’s looked at me too.
Even just a second ago.
We stood feet apart.
He refuses to talk to me.
I can’t believe that all of a sudden Jax is a rule follower.
I tell him to back off and he does? Really?
I tell him we can never talk again and he just instantly respects that?
That’s about the time I start to really hate myself too.
Because I do the right thing… and yet deep down inside I want Jax to go against my wishes. Maybe because I have deeper, darker wishes?
I don’t know.
I guess I did not picture Jax as the kind of guy to just back off. At least not unless he never cared about me the way he showed. I mean, I get it, he probably just wanted to get into my panties. I’m not naive here.
